Welcome to February and what is sure to be the scariest weekend ever at The Reject Report. Why is it scary? Because this week’s movies look absolutely frightening — frightening to watch and frightening to predict. The big news is Hannah Montana is opening up in a limited number of theaters, but that limited number may be enough to catapult this movie into first place this weekend, ahead of The Eye and these other movies.
This is also a big weekend for babes in movies, what with Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria starring in flicks. And of course, so is Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter. We might as well start with her.
We have the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour movie opening up in 680 theaters, and it’s in 3-D. It’s basically the film version of the sold-out concert tour from 2007 for the popular Disney personality.
Apparently, this kid is more popular than the Beatles ever were. Really. Hannah Montana has a LOT OF FANS who are going to be lining up to see this movie. I know the die-hard movie fans are going “why?!”, but that’s what is bound to happen. These Disney personalities not only have a cult following: they have a BIG cult following. I remember how big an audience that High School Musical 2 got recently on cable TV, so that’s what I am basing it on.
What throws me for a loop is predicting the box office for 680 screens of this flick. I know that there are plenty of reports everywhere of theaters being completely sold out. Advance sales are through the roof. MovieTickets.com ranks it as the number eight movie of all time for advance pre-sales already, and Fandango has this movie counting for 91 per cent of their advance ticket sales. Another thing to consider: this is in 3-D, so you’ll have these big IMAX theaters filled to the rafters with screaming kids going wild over Hannah. The other thing I’ve gathered is that some of these theaters are charging a fortune for this movie, upwards of 15 or even 20 dollars!!! I can see many of you shaking your heads right now and saying “that is a waste of money.” It is! But these theater owners feel they can get away with it because so many people want to see Hannah Montana.
I predict a lot of money will be wasted on this movie. I read an estimate that Hannah Montana might make $25 million this weekend. Frankly, if they are sold out in 680 theaters with many of them charging $20 a pop, I don’t doubt it for one minute. I also know a lot of theaters have been sold out for weeks.
So there you go. Hannah Montana will win at the box office in spite of being shown in only 680 theaters. I’ll say $20 million.
Next is The Eye, a remake of the 2002 Hong Kong film Jian gui, and it stars beautiful Jessica Alba. Prepare for all the guys to swoon.
In this movie Alba plays a young blind violinist who is given an eye transplant. She is able to see for the first time since childhood. That’s the good news. The not-so-good news is that she is also able to see frightening visions of death and the supernatural world. The film also stars Parker Posey, Alessandro Nivola and Chloe Moretz, and is directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud. Tom Cruise and Paula Wagner produced the flick.
A lot of people think this movie will do pretty well this weekend with Alba in the cast, so I say we are looking at $14.5 million for The Eye. It’s in 2,200 theaters so the box office shouldn’t be too scary. But I could be wrong. In fact, I am frequently wrong, so don’t bet the house on this prediction.
Next is Over Her Dead Body, starring Lake Bell, Jason Biggs, Paul Rudd — and Eva Longoria. Aren’t you fed up yet with Eva Longoria, or Eva Longoria Parker or whatever she is known as now? I think a sure sign a movie is doomed is when they have to recruit a TV star to try and prop it up. This movie is about a woman who was killed on her wedding day (Longoria). She comes back as a ghost who is out to sabotage the current relationship of her former fiance (Paul Rudd) with a psychic named Ashley, played by Bell. Eva Longoria Parker is basically out to haunt Ashley in this movie.
I can’t say I am excited by this one. Another chick flick. Maybe the Desperate Housewives fans will show up, but they never showed up for any of Eva’s other movie efforts. I say this will bring in $8 million.
Finally, Happy Madison Productions (Adam Sandler’s company) brings you Strange Wilderness. It seems like a bit of a takeoff on all these Discovery Channel-type shows. These guys are producing this nature show and are threatened with cancellation. They decide to try and save their series by tracking down the one creature that can save them from the brink: Bigfoot. So they head to the Andes in search of the creature and big ratings. The two show hosts are Peter Gaulke, played by Steve Zahn, and Fred Wolf, played by Allen Covert; the latter character is obviously a big in-joke because the director’s name is Fred Wolf.
This looks like the type of nondescript production that will bring in $4 million. That is my projection: $4 million, and not even a top ten finish either.
So here is my predicted order of finish for this weekend’s movies:
|Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: The Best of Both Worlds||$20 million|
|The Eye||$14.5 million|
|27 Dresses||$8.5 million|
|Over Her Dead Body||$8 million|
|Meet the Spartans||$7.5 million|
|The Bucket List||$6.8 million|
See what I mean when I say it looks like a scary weekend at the theaters? Not only are these movies hard to predict — they LOOK downright scary to watch!! I don’t know if I even WANT to go to the theaters to watch these movies! It’s probably a good time to see those good movies you haven’t seen yet. I think the box office results for these Oscar contenders and other movies will hold up well at the end of the weekend. People are still flocking to see Juno, for example. Given the offerings this weekend, people will STILL be flocking to see Juno. Because let’s face it, these other movies are junk!
Here at the Reject Report, I tell it like it is. See you at weekend’s end. And enjoy watching all the movie ads that run during the Super Bowl.