The Reject Report Goes Shopping on Friday the 13th


Welcome to the Reject Report for the weekend of Friday, the 13th. We have a special “Bad Timing” edition of the report to bring you, and it is all because of the release of the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic, which rolls out in theaters the very same week that we get big bailout news out of Washington. What timing, eh?

Disney has been ridiculed by movie critics and movie pundits from coast to coast over Confessions of a Shopaholic, which of course is based on the book series of the same name by Sophie Kinsella. But the books came out back in the era when people were rolling in dough and times were good. But this is 2009. There’s a raging recession going on, credit is tight everywhere, no one can afford to go shopping these days, everyone is holding onto their wallets and what do we get? A movie about some loser who is a shopaholic. Thank you very much, Disney. You guys really are hip to what’s happening out there.

I gotta say, I have never heard such ridicule over the timing of a release as I have heard for this flick. This is comparable to releasing Snakes on a Plane the week after 9/11. Shopaholism is out, out, out.

The plot revolves around a financial journalist Rebecca Bloomwood, played by Isla Fisher, who is irresponsible with what little money she makes from her crappy financial journalism job by spending like crazy. Plus she falls for a rich guy, played by Hugh Dancy.

Okay, so the movie is basically about some idiot who is irresponsible with money and credit cards. You wanna bet the maxed-out moviegoing public will show sympathy for Rebecca Bloomwood? Right. The only thing relevant about this movie is the fact that Rebecca is under a pile of debt. Isn’t everyone these days?

The buzz for this movie is just terrible. It’s supposed to be a chick flick, but I’ve been reading a lot of reactions along the lines of this movie sets back the female gender a thousand years. You get the idea. A lot of people just are laying into these chick flicks these days – especially women. Lots of women think these movies make women look like brainless fools who are only interested in shopping. So I think there will be a lot of women who will NOT be going to Confessions of a Shopaholic, because they are absolutely fed up. Plus, guys will avoid this movie like the plague just because its Confessions of a Shopaholic.

Mainly, though, everyone thinks it’s an idiot decision by the studio to release a movie like this in the middle of a raging recession. Let’s roll out a shopping movie in the middle of a depression. Right. This not only appears to be a flop; this is a movie people WANT to see flop. Otherwise, North American moviegoers will look like a bunch of idiots, supporting a movie like this – though arguably, spending like crazy might be the only way for America to get out of a recession. It’s just that people are in no mood to spend. So why should people spend money on THIS movie? Good question.

This is in only 2,400 theaters, so I am going to predict an $11 million BATH for Confessions of a Shopaholic, which is getting pummeled over at Rotten Tomatoes as I write this (20 percent).

Heck, The Pink Panther 2 hauled in only $12 million last weekend. You would think this piece of junk would do worse.

Next up is The International, starring Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, which is rolling out in about 2,300 theaters. According to the IMDB page, an Interpol agent attempts to expose a high-profile financial institution’s role in an international arms dealing ring. So you fans of intrigue and thrillers may like this one.

I have seen some conflicting opinions on how this movie will do. Some feel it will only make it to the low teens; others say the mid-teens. I’m thinking: this ought to beat Confessions of a Shopaholic, surely to God. At least it looks sort of intelligent, and any movie Naomi Watts is in is usually pretty good. It doesnt look like an obvious dog, which is why I predict $14 million for The International.

I have saved the best for last. Yes, horror fans, this is the weekend all of you have waited for, because Friday the 13th is here. Speaking of timing the folks releasing Friday the 13th were on the ball in looking at the calendar, because this movie is actually being released on a Friday the 13th.

Of course, this is a remake/revival of the famous Friday the 13th slasher movie series of the 1980s featuring the evil, hockey-masked mad slasher Jason. This was one of the most successful horror franchises in movie history, with so many sequels made that people lost count. Apparently this is the twelfth Friday the 13th production (looking at their website), and Paramount and New Line are in on the production. This time, it is definitely not yet another sequel; rather, it’s meant to be a re-imagining of the first Friday the 13th movies of the series. Here, a bunch of young friends go missing at Camp Crystal Lake (lifted straight from the original movies), and Clay (Jared Padalecki) goes back to try and find his missing friends. And of course he runs into Jason, played by Derek Mears.

So that’s what to expect: a lot of gore. In fact, I think this is going to be a very big weekend for Friday the 13th. I don’t know why it is that these horror movies have done so well at the box office as of late. A lot of the recent ones had been hitting the $21-$22 million range, and those didn’t have the kind of interest that Friday the 13th has going for it. I have a feeling we are going to see this flick hit $35 million, maybe more. Keep in mind this is also Valentine’s Day weekend, so the romance-crowd might take their business elsewhere. But who knows, a lot of these lovebirds may well want to get scared.

So that is what is on tap. Here is what I see happening this Friday the 13th weekend at the box office:

  1. Friday the 13th $35 million
  2. Hes Just Not That IntoYou $18.5 million
  3. The International $14 million
  4. Taken $12.5 million
  5. Coraline $11.7 million
  6. Confessions of a Shopaholic $11 million
  7. Paul Blart: Mall Cop $7.5 million
  8. The Pink Panther 2 $7 million
  9. Slumdog Millionaire $6 million
  10. Push $5.7 million.

And that’s it. See you at the end of the weekend when we count the dead uh, I mean loot here at the Reject Report.

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