The Reject ReportAnd it’s likely to fetch a whole lot more than a pail of water. In fact, regardless of whether your or I like it, the new Adam Sandler movie, awful as it may look, is primed to make another mint for the comedian. In fact, other than Puss in Boots, the lock Jack and Jill has in taking the top spot at this weekend’s box office seems pretty evident. Like the battle for #1 last weekend between Puss in Boots and Tower Heist, we’re looking at a round 2 of sorts here. Regardless who comes out on top, my money is on the movie featuring characters named Jack and Jill. In fact, you can take that one to the bank.

BIG HITTERS

Adam Sandler makes people laugh. Thats pretty much it in a nutshell if anyone questions why his movies make so much money. The man has made himself into a brand, and any movie he puts his name on doesn’t need to have anything else going for it. Just the name Adam Sandler above the title ensures a truckload of cash, especially when he isn’t taking chances on challenging movies like Reign Over Me, Spanglish, or Punch Drunk Love. In fact, those three movies along with Eight Crazy Nights are the only Adam Sandler vehicles of the last ten years not to open to more than $20m. When Dennis Dugan is in the director’s chair, that $20m opening weekend is a guarantee.

Jack and Jill looks to continue to trend. Even though it looks like one of the parody trailer we saw in Funny People, millions upon millions of people are going to want to throw down their cash and laugh for 90 minutes. That alone will make Jack and Jill a success, but don’t expect it to attain the same level of success as something like Grown Ups ($40.5m opening weekend) or You Don’t Mess With the Zohan ($38.5m opening weekend). Instead, look for Jack and Jill to debut just under $30m, in the lower tier of Sandler cash cows. Don’t worry about him, though. I’m sure he’ll be fine on food stamps until I Hate You, Dad hits next Summer.

Jack and Jill might not be a monster success, but you know what would have been? Re-do. Here’s the trailer for that George Simmons classic right here:

Now give me a moment to get over that brilliant turn from Justin Long.

Moving onto Immortals. Before you cry “This. Is. Greek mythology.” – that just doesn’t roll off the tongue quite like Sparta – you should know this movie isn’t a 300 rip-off. It was directed by Tarsem. It stars future Superman, Henry Cavill. Oh, who am I kidding. It’s a 300 rip-off, okay? And aiming for that same crowd might be in the film’s favor. 300 did open to $70.8m in 2007. Don’t expect the same here. Recent fantasy epics like Season of the Witch ($10.6m opening weekend) and Conan the Barbarian ($10m opening weekend) weren’t so fortunate. Still, Immortals could bring in some kind of fancy fleece, just not golden. More like silver or maybe a nice, hard to find bronze. Look for Immortals to debut to between $17-18m.

Immortals might not be bringing in a $70m weekend, but you know what would? This guy. Enjoy:

Clint Eastwood has a new movie coming out. Of course, Clint Eastwood has a new movie coming out. It’s the end of the year, isn’t it? This time he’s riding an Oscar hopeful wave with Leonardo DiCaprio in the lead as J. Edgar hoover. Early reports are the film is light on women’s underwear but heavy on the old people makeup. Judging by Eastwood’s past box office tallies, he maybe should have dolled his J. Edgar up a bit. Only two Eastwood directed films have opened to more than $15m, Unforgiven in 1992 with $15m and Space Cowboys in 2000 with $18m. Look for J. Edgar to come in around the $8m mark, enough to pay for plenty of dresses…or old people makeup, whichever one you’re more into.

FAMILIARITIES

Puss in Boots had an astonishing 3% drop last weekend from the previous. It’s not making a whole lot of headway when it comes to DreamWorks Animation totals, but it’s holding its own on the box office charts. It beat Tower Heist for the #1 spot last weekend and looks to do the same this weekend to Jack and Jill. Even if Puss in Boots drops 10% from last weekend, it’ll still be pulling in around $30m here. Either way, it will be passing the $100m mark by Sunday. It still has a long way to travel before it’s recognized as one of DreamWorks Animation’s staple characters.

Also The Adventures of Tintin continues to dominate foreign markets. It continues its worldwide expansion this weekend opening in more territories and adding to its already $125m worldwide gross. It opens in India this weekend, and, to the billion people who read this weekly column in India, I say to you नमस्ते. Dear Vishnu, let that mean “hello”.

LITTLE OPENERS

Opening in limited release are 11-11-11 opening in select cities,  About Fifty opening in select cities, The Conquest opening in New York and L.A., Cook County opening in select cities, Eames: The Architect & The Painter opening in Chicago, Elite Squad: The Enemy Within opening in select cities, Into the Abyss opening in select cities, London Boulevard opening in select cities and currently running on VOD,  Melancholia opening in select cities and currently on VOD, and Rockstar opening in select cities.

Here’s how the weekend is shaping up:

  1. Puss in Boots – $29.3m (-11.5%)
  2. Jack and Jill – $28.8m NEW
  3. Immortals – $17.4m NEW
  4. Tower Heist – $12.7m (-46.7%)
  5. J. Edgar – $8.2m NEW
  6. A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas – $6.1m (-52.2%)
  7. In Time – $4.3m (-41.5%)
  8. Paranormal Activity 3 – $3.9m (-52%)
  9. Footloose – $3.4m (-21.8%)
  10. Real Steel – $2.1m (-35.7%)
That gives us $116.5m, another upturn from last weekend all courtesy of Puss in Boots and Adam Sandler playing to the mass audience. On one hand it’s easy to get angry when a movie as dumb looking as Jack and Jill comes alone, a movie that looks stupider than the parody trailers we saw in Funny People. On the other hand, you have to appreciate how gullible audiences are that they can turn such a stupid looking movie into a box office contender, something that keeps the box office healthy and wealthy so we can cry “slump” when the following weekend doesn’t come through. Eh, screw it. Bias just left the building. The movie looks stupid, and I hope it tanks.

We’ll be back on Sunday to go over the weekend numbers.

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