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‘The Expendables 3’ Teaser: Lots of Stars Need Paychecks, Too, Okay?

The Expendables 3

Lionsgate

Who isn’t in The Expendables 3? It’s a fair question, and with a cast this bloated — sometimes literally — it’s one well worth considering. Who isn’t in The Expendables 3? Anyone who doesn’t pop up in this roll call-themed trailer (well, most likely, we wouldn’t put it past this team to CGI in someone special, just for laughs). How many stars can you name before we get going? 15? 56? Keep going. There will be more. There will always be more.

The massive cast includes returning stars (Sylvester Stallone, Terry Crews, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Randy Couture), fresh faces (Kellen Lutz, Ronda Roussey, Victor Ortiz, Glen Powell) and some other old dudes looking for some quick cash (Harrison Ford, Kelsey Grammer, Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas, Mel Gibson). They’re all here! How long can this gag possibly last?

This trailer, for all its cool casting info, still leaves us with plenty of questions. Like, what is The Expendables 3 actually about? Blowing shit up, basically:

In THE EXPENDABLES 3, Barney (Stallone), Christmas (Statham) and the rest of the team comes face-to-face with Conrad Stonebanks (Gibson), who years ago co-founded The Expendables with Barney. Stonebanks subsequently became a ruthless arms trader and someone who Barney was forced to kill… or so he thought. Stonebanks, who eluded death once before, now is making it his mission to end The Expendables — but Barney has other plans. Barney decides that he has to fight old blood with new blood, and brings in a new era of Expendables team members, recruiting individuals who are younger, faster and more tech-savvy. The latest mission becomes a clash of classic old-school style versus high-tech expertise in the Expendables’ most personal battle yet.

Another question! How are any of these people still considered “expendable”? They all sound like trained professionals in the prime of their careers, especially all those fresh-faced young whippersnappers the dudes recruit. Someone should have really thought this over a bit more, because we’re willing to place actual value on every single person in this film.

You know, like paycheck money.

The Expendables 3 will open on August 15th. [Yahoo! Movies]

Kate is an entertainment and culture writer and editor living in New York City. She is also a contributing writer for VanityFair.com, Cosmopolitan.com, RollingStone.com, Vulture, MTV.com, Details.com, The Dissolve, Screen Crush, New York Daily News, Mental Floss, and amNY. Her previous work can also be found at MSN Movies, Boxoffice Magazine, and Film.com. She lives her life like a French movie, Steve.

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