2008 MTV Movie Awards

For a culture inundated with awards shows and general bouts of celebrities patting themselves on the back, it’s nice to see that the MTV Movie Awards is still relevant. For one, it is a middle-of-the-road release, a blend of the Academy Awards and the Razzies. For two, it’s still a viewer-chosen awards show, even if those viewers would rather see Carson Daly with his shirt off than sit through Seven Samurai.

By making a Carson Daly reference, I’m showing how behind the times I am, but I learned a few things after reading MTV’s really long, inexplicably italicized press release announcing the nominees.

MTV has gone pedestrian. Gone are the days when the categories included Best Helicopter Chase, Best Camel, and Best Anthropomorphic Sex Scene. Now, the category list looks like something they stole from the Day Time Emmy Awards. Apparently, boring is the new edgy.

But they’ve somehow managed to stay true to the roots of the show concerning the nominees. Movies that weren’t for anyone’s consideration come Oscar time have a solid chance of taking home a popcorn statue. Let’s list them, shall we?

BEST MOVIE
— Juno (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
— Transformers (DreamWorks SKG/Paramount Pictures)
— Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (Walt Disney Pictures)
— I Am Legend (Warner Bros. Pictures)
— Superbad (Sony Pictures)
— National Treasure: Book of Secrets (Walt Disney Pictures)

BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
— Will Smith — I Am Legend (Warner Bros. Pictures)
— Shia LaBeouf — Transformers (DreamWorks SKG/Paramount Pictures)
— Denzel Washington — American Gangster (Universal Pictures)
— Matt Damon — The Bourne Ultimatum (Universal Pictures)
— Michael Cera — Juno (Fox Searchlight Pictures)

BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
— Ellen Page — Juno (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
— Keira Knightley — Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (Walt Disney Pictures)
— Katherine Heigl — Knocked Up (Universal Pictures)
— Amy Adams — Enchanted (Walt Disney Pictures)
— Jessica Biel — I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (Universal Pictures)

BEST VILLAIN
— Johnny Depp — Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (DreamWorks SKG/ Warner Bros. Pictures)
— Denzel Washington — American Gangster (Universal Pictures)
— Angelina Jolie — Beowulf (Warner Bros. Pictures/ Paramount Pictures)
— Topher Grace — Spider-Man 3 (Sony Pictures)
— Javier Bardem — No Country For Old Men (Paramount Vantage/ Miramax Films)

BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
— Johnny Depp — Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (Walt Disney Pictures)
— Adam Sandler — I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (Universal Pictures)
— Jonah Hill — Superbad (Sony Pictures)
— Seth Rogen — Knocked Up (Universal Pictures)
— Amy Adams — Enchanted (Walt Disney Pictures)

BEST FIGHT
— Matt Damon vs. Joey Ansah — The Bourne Ultimatum (Universal Pictures)
— Tobey Maguire vs. James Franco — Spider-Man 3 (Sony Pictures)
— Hayden Christensen vs. Jamie Bell — Jumper (20th Century Fox)
— Sean Faris vs. Cam Gigandet — Never Back Down (Summit Entertainment, LLC)
— Chris Tucker & Jackie Chan vs. Sun Ming Ming — Rush Hour 3 (New Line Cinema)
— Alien vs. Predator- Aliens vs. Predator — Requiem (20th Century Fox)

BEST KISS
— Shia LaBeouf and Sarah Roemer — Disturbia (DreamWorks SKG)
— Amy Adams and Patrick Dempsey — Enchanted (Walt Disney Pictures)
— Daniel Radcliffe and Katie Leung — Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Warner Bros. Pictures)
— Ellen Page and Michael Cera — Juno (Fox Searchlight Pictures)
— Briana Evigan and Robert Hoffman — Step Up 2 The Streets (Touchstone Pictures)

BREAKTHROUGH PERFORMANCE
— Zac Efron — Hairspray (New Line Cinema)
— Seth Rogen — Knocked Up (Universal Pictures)
— Jonah Hill — Superbad (Sony Pictures)
— Michael Cera — Superbad (Sony Pictures)
— Chris Brown — This Christmas (Screen Gems)
— Nikki Blonsky — Hairspray (New Line Cinema)
— Megan Fox — Transformers (DreamWorks SKG/Paramount Pictures)
— Christopher Mintz-Plasse — Superbad (Sony Pictures)

BEST SUMMER MOVIE SO FAR
— Iron Man (Paramount Pictures/Marvel Entertainment)
— Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Paramount Pictures/Lucas Films)
— Sex and the City: The Movie (New Line Cinema)
— Speed Racer (Warner Bros. Pictures)
— The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (Walt Disney Pictures/Walden Media)

Phew. As you can see, Superbad and Juno snagged the most nominations with 5 and 4 respectively. Also, if you felt like I Know Pronounce You Chuck and Larry was snubbed by the Academy (and the Independent Spirit Awards) now is your chance to right that terrible, terrible wrong.

Unfortunately, Mike Meyers is hosting. I used my awesome skills of deductive reasoning to gather that his presence necessitates at least one trailer for The Love Guru and at least seventeen mentions of it during the opening monologue.Thus, he’ll be just as racially insensitive and unfunny during his hosting duties.

Another fact: The President of MTV Networks is named Van Toffler, a name I find incredibly hilarious.

Getting back to what makes the awards show so great, the fan element, MTV is partnering with several online video sites so that users can create their own spoofs of the nominees. The vids will be voted on (by the public) and the winner gets to roll out to the awards show. For more information on that, check out Photobucket, Myspace, Daily Motion, Break, Buzznet, Heavy or huggable teen-sensation FunnyorDie.

Last, but probably least important, the official sponsors for the show are Dibs, Dove Go Fresh, GM, Old Navy, Orbit, Secret, and Taco Bell. Do I mention these as shameless corporate plugs? Hell no. We here at FSR could care less about the corporate fat cats or the irony that an awards show that prides itself on rebellion is sponsored by General Motors.

No, I mention it because I’m throwing down the gauntlet. I hereby challenge the other FSR editors to predict with greater accuracy than I, the winners of each category. If anyone beats me, I’ll purchase one product from each sponsor and use them all at the same time. Stay tuned – you might get to see me eat a Dove deodorant bar while attempting to drive an Old Navy sweatshirt.

However, I will reserve the right to complete the task while mildly intoxicated. On Chalupas.

Thank you, MTV. Nowhere else but in your world can National Treasure II: Electric Boogaloo of Secrets have a chance to be called “Best Movie.”


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