Steven Seagal: Vampire Slayer

Silly Steven Seagal - Guns Don't Work on Vampires

Tis the season for Miracles!  Did you ever get one of those bits of news that is just too good to be true?  The kind of news that makes you feel warm in your tummy and tingly in your groin?  Today is one of those days, my friends, because Judo master and actor extraordinarre Steven “The Pony Tail” Seagal is ready to take it to the undead creatures of the night in Against the Dark.

You read that right.  Steven Seagal.  Fighting Vampires. 

We reported on this a few weeks ago, but to refresh your terrible short term memory – in the film, vampires have decimated the human population and it’s up to bad ass vigilante, ex-military, current katana master Tao (Seagal) to lead his team across an apocalyptic wasteland to destroy the vampire menace and rescue a group of survivors trapped in a hospital. 

Now we can report that joining him in the fight is Tanoi Reed, best known for being the cousin of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and also for powerbombing fools off giant pyramids as Toa on American Gladiators.

Color me mother-fucking excited for this news.  This could be the most important group of images ever put on film.  More good news?  Against the Dark will be rated R for bloody violence/gore, some language and brief nudity.

What do you think of this news?

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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