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So Alec Baldwin Might Win an Oscar for Exposing Himself On Screen?

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I love The Hollywood Reporter. Beyond measure. Especially on days like this when it’s a little chilly outside, the future seems bleak and unrelenting, and the lack of discussion regarding penises on screen garnering awards praise is downright staggering.

Over at the respectable rag, Gregg Kilday has written a piece about how Alec Baldwin, a man who is co-hosting the Academy Awards this year, may actually be in the running for an award himself. Conflict! Intrigue!

But why is the thespian in the hunt for gold?

The writer is claiming that Baldwin’s role in the upcoming It’s Complicated might earn him an Oscar. To be fair, I haven’t seen the film or the performance, but it’s a bold claim nonetheless, and it’s even bolder because Kilday seems to hint that part of the reason is because of little Alec.

Thanks to his performance in Nancy Meyers’ marital comedy “It’s Complicated,” Baldwin may well prove a contender in the best supporting actor category. Playing Meryl Streep’s ex-husband — a man who has traded in his age-appropriate wife for a much younger model, only to find that marriage isn’t always better the second time around — Baldwin lets it all hang out. Quite literally, when, in the course of wooing back Streep’s character, he strips down for bed, exposing his ample girth with the self-satisfied air of a man who doesn’t quite realize his best days as a seducer are behind him.”

Is it just me or does it read like Kilday asserts Baldwin has a shot, then backs up that claim with the fact that Baldwin drops trou? Am I the only one that sees that? Ample girth?

As if putting a smile on my face and a tear in my heart weren’t enough, the writer goes on to do us all a public service by making the most understated claim in Oscar history:

He’s not a lock for a nomination for “Complicated,” which Universal releases Dec. 25. Christoph Waltz, who was named best actor at Cannes for his chilling turn as a Jew-hunting Nazi in “Inglourious Basterds,” has to be considered the front-runner in the category.”

That’s right. Don’t place your bets just yet because there’s a slight chance Christoph Waltz might just snag the statue Dark Horse style from the grasp of shoe-in candidate Baldwin. Fortunately, there’s a long, long, long, long list of other actors who could possibly get nominated for Best Supporting Actor. I know this because Gregg Kilday knows this.

Oh crap. I’M Gregg Kilday, aren’t I?

Kilday also asserts Alfred Molina, Peter Sarsgaard, Christopher Plummer, Woody Harrelson, Richard Kind, Anthony Mackie, Stanley Tucci, Robert Duvall, and Matt Damon as other possible stand outs. Nine names for five spots. But…IF Baldwin was nominated he would (inexplicably) be “likely to become one of the favorites,” apparently.

I truly am in love with this article because it brought an intense amount of joy to me, as well as some much needed laughter. However, I’ve decided to rewrite it to be more honest (and so that it takes up less space on the page):

“Since Alec Baldwin acted in a film during the year, he is technically up for an Oscar, the very same award that will be doled out at the ceremony he is hosting. Let’s celebrate that tiny statistical possibility by naming a ton of strong performances by other actors during the year.”

Now Baldwin is going to be nominated and make me look like an idiot.

I can only hope. What do you think?

A veteran of writing about movies for nearly a decade, Scott Beggs has been the Managing Editor of Film School Rejects since 2009. Despite speculation, he is not actually Walter Mathau's grandson. See? He can't even spell his name right.

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