I would rather be tied down by a thousand angry men than watch Jack Black as Gulliver.

If you thought that casting Jack Black as Lemuel Gulliver for Gulliver’s Travels was a solid idea, congratulations, there may be only one of you out there. That makes you unique! Use it to pick up women (or men) at the bar next time you’re out.

I’ve been pretty openly outraged about the casting of this since it happened last year – at least to my friends and colleagues. Call me shortsighted, but I just don’t see how Black can deliver high-minded satire and then do a cock push up. I just don’t see it happening.

Fortunately, Black will be joined by Jason Segel, who improves just about anything he’s in, who will be on board as Horatio – Gulliver’s Lilliputian best friend. I call it inspired casting when anyone makes Jason Segel a tiny person. Still, it sounds like this thing is shaping up to be the hilarious-antics version of a drier-than-the-desert political satire.

The question mark in all this is Emily Blunt. According to Variety, Blunt may join the cast, but it would cause a conflict with her taking the Iron Man 2 role she’s been striking a deal for. Apparently Iron Man 2 begins filming in April, but Gulliver’s Travels begins in March. Hopefully, she’ll be able to do both, because if she has to pick one, she can’t be Black Widow in Iron Man 2 per her contract with Fox. She’ll be contractually obligated to hop on Gulliver’s ship.

I love “Gulliver’s Travels.” I’m down with Segel and Blunt. I’m even glad that Rob Letterman is directing it, but holy hell I can’t get behind Jack Black as the main character. All I can see is him displaying how wacky it is for a portly man to attempt The Worm on a ship, then screaming, “Nothing is great or little otherwise… than by comparison…riggoo-giggoo-gah-geehee!”

Am I wrong? Is it alright to adapt a work of 18th century satire and give it to Jack Black? Was Ted Danson not available?

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