It’s been a pretty hard life for John Rambo ever since he signed up to go overseas and serve his country in Vietnam. He was turned into an expert in guerrilla warfare. Made the best with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. He was trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land. To eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel, to kill, period. Win by attrition. And after a rough patch where the guy just couldn’t adjust to life after Nam, we sent him back there to slaughter hundreds more and get our POWs. Then we sent him to Afghanistan, where he killed about a thousand more people. I thought that was it for the guy, but then he ended up having to do the same in Burma. Isn’t it about time we let this guy live out his final years in peace? No. You just don’t turn it off.

There’s a segment of the population out there who think that First Blood is a decent movie, but the subsequent Rambo sequels are cheesy and exploitative and lame. Those people are ridiculous. The Rambo sequels are cheesy and exploitative and awesome. Even 2008’s Rambo, where we get Rambo as an old man, is completely amazing. He tears out throats with his bare hand and explodes guys by hitting them with close range high caliber machine gun fire. What more do you want? Well, I want a Rambo 5, that’s what I want.

Stallone has been trying to deliver, but things haven’t gone so great. First there was an idea for a Rambo 5 with a sci-fi element, and everyone hated it. Then there was the notion that Rambo would be going over the border into Mexico to rescue females kidnapped by the drug cartels, but that never materialized. Recently things have been looking bleak as far as another Rambo movie goes, but Empire just got some great news from Conan the Barbarian writer Sean Hood that might turn all of that around. He has been hired by Millennium to write a script called Rambo: Last Stand, and suddenly all is right in the world.

“I met with Mr. Stallone twice last year,” Hood said. “He gave me a book, an older screenplay, and about twenty pages he’d written himself to use as inspiration for the last chapter of the Rambo saga.” Though there are no real details as to where Stallone envisions the character going now, Hood did add, “It’s more in line with the small-town thriller of First Blood.” I can’t imagine anybody getting upset at the thought of that. Well, as long as Rambo blows up the entire town.

Upon reading this news I was all ready to strap on a headband and go around my neighborhood shirtless and bellowing at people, but Hood ended his little interview by tempering my enthusiasm a bit. He cautions that, “As of now, I don’t know whether Mr. Stallone will actually do it. Right now, as I understand it, he has his hands full with Bullet to the Head and Expendables 2. But Millennium films did hire me to complete the screenplay and realize his story, and my hope is that he’ll eventually be inspired to do one more Rambo film, with the tone of Clint Eastwood’s Unforgiven.” First you tell me that it might not happen and then you invoke the awesomeness of Unforgiven? That’s just cruel. Hood (thunder clasp). I’m coming to get you.


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