Seagal vs. Van Damme: This Ain’t No Celebrity Deathmatch

I can’t imagine there are very many Steven Seagal fans left in this world. What would you say if I told you that this man still makes 3 to 4 films a year with HILARIOUS titles like Urban Justice, Pistol Whipped, and Today You Die? Hopefully you would say,”“Goddamn Josh, when is Hollywood going to wise the f*ck up and make a movie pitting two stellar thespians? I’m not talkin’ about Denzel/Crowe style, I’m looking for some gritty, balls-to-the-wall Seagal/Van Damme action!”

Well, prepare to quench that thirst of yours, friend.

Seagal vs. Van Damme just landed director Mark A.Z. Dippe, known mostly for 1997’s Spawn and being a visual effects programmer for films such as Terminator 2 and Jurassic Park. The new film will be about Steven Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme who, in addition to having it out for each other Wily E Coyote/Road Runner style, must join forces and use their physical prowess to stop a nuclear attack. No word yet as to whether or not the real actors will portray themselves.

This reminds me of My Name is Bruce featuring Bruce Campbell as himself being mistaken for Ash from Evil Dead and having to defend a town from a monster attack.

I enjoy it when celebrities can make fun of themselves. However, this film will not be able to survive if Van Damme and Seagal don’t portray themselves. It’ll be just like this MADtv sketch except instead of just under 4 minutes it could be a 90-minute parody of two guys who really haven’t been in the zeitgeist of American pop-culture for some time. If anything this should be the highly debated Chuck Norris vs. Jack Bauer movie instead. THAT might be a tad more relevant.

Josh is a multi-tasker. He's been a cubicle monkey for the last few years, a veteran stage actor of over 10 years, a sometimes commercial actor, occasional writer of articles, a once-legend in the realm of podcastery, purveyor of chuckles in his homecity of Chicago as he has trained with the world renown iO (Improv Olympic) and Second City Conservatory and performed with both theaters, and can be seen doing a thing that actor's do on the website of his online sitcom, Josh also likes to tackle the beef of his bio with one run-on sentence, because it befits his train-of-thought.

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