The American Pie franchise has been ridden hard and put away wet. The brand name has been slapped on no fewer than four atrociously average teen sex comedies that took low-budget laughs and tacked on a semi-emotional ending. There’s nothing wrong with those movies, but they’re a dozen rungs down the ladder from what American Pie was.

Now that there’s an American Reunion in the works for the entire main cast, there’s now a rumored (spoilery) plot and character synopsis out there. It would be easy to call it moronic. Instead, it’s more interesting to notice how the nostalgia of the first film has been swapped out for pop culture references.

(Directly quoted) from Hollywood Insider, here’s what the characters will and who they’ll (apparently) be doing:

  1. The whole gang are returning to East Great Falls for their ten-year Highschool reunion (made possible thanks to Facebook). They’ll come near and far to remember the good times – only to be faced with the frightening realization that they’re no longer young teenagers.
  2. Oz has hit the big time as a contestant on a Dancing with the Stars-type show. He also lives in a pricey Malibu mansion. He returns home a big-shot.
  3. Stifler isn’t doing well – he’s working as a temp for a rude boss that refers to him as ‘his bitch’. He’s also not having a lot of luck with the ladies. Still, he’s excited to get back home and do some partying.
  4. Jim’s next-door neighbor Kara, now all grown-up (!), develops a crush on the married man. Can Jim resist her? Can he keep his marriage to Michelle in one piece?
  5. Marco wants to kill Jim. He’s been dating Kara for quite a while but now his woman only has eyes for the “pie f*cker”!
  6. Upon returning home Stifler scores with Laurie, a former hotttie now 80 pounds heavier. Thoughtful as ever, Stifler lets her know he’ll be turning the lights off for their lovemaking session.
  7. Jim is a YouTube sensation these days – everyone knows his little performance piece from the ’90s with Nadia!
  8. Oz’s girlfriend Mia – seemingly with him for his money only – decides to join him at the reunion. Meanwhile, Oz’s ex-Heather brings with her to town her new boyfriend, a forty-something surgeon, who tries to act younger.
  9. Stifler is supposed to be working on the weekend of the reunion and attempts to keep up the ruse that he still is.
  10. Trisha use to go to bandcamp with Michelle. She’s now a smokin’ hotie bartender – one whom ‘international traveler’ Finch will score with (Though Stifler’s Mom will also make a reappearance).

When I say, “nostalgia,” I don’t mean the nostalgia that some fans feel for the original movie itself. American Pie and its sequel stood out because they blended small town tradition (the local hot dog hang out, the post-dance house party, the summer house rental) in with the brand new technology of webcams.

The main catalyst of the first was even a book handed down from generation to generation.

That all seems to be gone here. Facebook makes sense to get everyone together. Dancing with the Stars-type show? Youtube sensation? If this synopsis is right, it seems like American Reunion is trying to date itself, and it’s not even doing a good job of it.

What’s the over/under on seeing Jim’s premature ejaculation auto-tuned?

What do you think?


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