Captain N and the New Super Mario World

Wow.  Where to begin.  I don’t even know.  Captain N and the New Super Mario World was a poorly thought out animation “experience” from the early 90s that saw a variety of Nintendo licensed characters battling other various Nintendo licensed characters, or just as often, random generic bad dudes.

This two disc set highlights the two shows Captain N: The Game Master and Super Mario World, based somewhat on the game of the same name.  I say somewhat because the characters are the same, the sound effects are the same, but the Mario Brothers now apparently live in some sort of dinosaur time warp where they lord themselves over cavepeople while battling Koopa and his Klan.  Also there is fan favorite Yoshi, who’s annoying voice and habits makes me want to find him, skin him, roast him, and mount his skull on my wall.  Truly a grating performance.

Super Mario World varies from “mild moments of entertainment” to “irrefutably unwatchable” to the point where I considered throwing up.  I’ve spent a lot of time coming up with this review, most of which was spent forcing myself to sit through this God forsaken episodes.  Mario, still fat, is the leader of the bunch and apparently both braver and somehow more athletic than Luigi.  Princess Toadstool is animated to appear completely unsexual and her arms look like stumpy fungus sprouts.  In all the episodes contained, most were so bad that they upset me and drove me to the brink of a triple murder suicide.  There were a few occasional smiles to be had, mostly from the sound effects and levels straight from the game.  But if I want those, I’ll just play the damn game.

Captain N is a little better and I stress ‘little.’  I could reasonably watch a few more of these without murdering those I love in a fit of rage.  Captain N, aka Kevin Keene, teamed up with Princess Lana, a rip off of Zelda to save Videoland with the help of a portly, child voiced Mega Man (who is also rude), Kid Icarus a naked baby cupid, and Simon Belment who seems mildly schizophrenic and vain – I don’t remember that from Castlevania.

The extras on the disc are minimal – a Story-board to Screen comparison of the titles and some concept art for Yoshi.  No thanks, disc!   They somehow managed to design the disc to freeze up if you try to use the episode selection screen by having each episode load a preview of the title card.  Worthless and super annoying.  It took about 40 seconds to navigate down a list of 10 titles.  Insane!

The presentation is fine, the sound is fine, etc.  Nothing is “wrong” with the disc, other than the navigation lock up.  The shows, however, generally border on terrible.  This is the kind of disc you gift to your brother or cousin as a gag gift that they jokingly watch and then either murder you for or you all laugh together before tossing it into the back of a closet.  I don’t exactly know why this disc was released, apparently someone somewhere wanted it – Congratulations, you’ve got it.

I guess its worth noting “fan favorite” episode Mama Luigi is on the set, which spawned the catchphrase “That’s Mama Luigi to you, Mario!” for some odd reason.  It may just be the best episode of Super Mario World on the set, but that doesn’t mean jack nor shit.

The Upside:  I guess this is a hard to find commodity someone wanted.  Also, the sound effects are good.

The Downside: These shows are ass.  The DVD episode selection menu is annoying.

On the Side: Larry Bird, no shit, guest stars in an episode of Captain N: The Game Master.  And yes, it’s about basketball.

Super Mario World Show Grade:  D-

Captain N: The Game Master Show Grade:  D+

Robert Fure is many things: horror expert, ruggedly handsome man of the world, witty prose composer, and writer of his own biography page. Beneath the bravado is a scared little boy, ready to grow into an awesome man and make lies about a scared little boy inside of him. Wait a minute...

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