Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables

Merry Christmas, everyone! Now let’s cut off all our hair and sell it so our children can eat! Wait, is that not how you celebrate the holidays with your family? Too bad, it’s how we’re celebrating this year. With the news that Universal has pushed back their Les Miserables to open on Christmas Day, the rest of Hollywood (completely relatively speaking) has joined in and mixed up their release date schedules like so much calendar Cobb salad. Just when will we see Aaron Eckhart as a new wave monster and where is that The Rock-as-concerned-dad drug film we all need and what the hell is Battle of the Year?

After the break, let’s dream some dreams with the new release dates for Les Mis, Snitch, No Good Deed, Battle of the Year, and I, Frankenstein.

Les Miserables

The release date: December 25, 2012.

Previous date: December 14, 2012.

Why? First of all, it looks like Les Miz wanted to get away from The Hobbit, which is opening on December 14. With Tom Hooper’s film leaving, that leaves Peter Jackson’s film as the only opener on that date. Return to Middle-earth indeed! Also, the recent moves of both Ang Lee’s Life Of Pi and Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby (both once slated for Christmas Day openings) left a nice slot for a similarly-minded film, a big literary adaptation with a fanbase not likely to be swayed by a Barbra Streisand-starring comedy (sorry, Babs!). Smart move.

Currently slated for that date? Django Unchained, The Guilt Trip, and Parental Guidance will all also open on the date (a Tuesday), with both Promised Land and Quartet arriving on that Friday.

I, Frankenstein

The release date: September 13, 2013.

Previous date: February 22, 2013.

Why? The Cinema Blend peeps seem to believe that the Frankenstein shove comes thanks to Summit dating their Snitch on the film’s first release date, a fine (and timely) theory. Both films have been completed for some time. But, let’s be honest, which film would you rather see? I’ve got my pick, and it doesn’t star The Rock (sorry, Mr. The!).

Currently slated for that date? Battle of the Year (we’ll get to that) and the 3D re-release of The Little Mermaid. What the heck are monster-loving, dance freaks who want to be part of your world going to do with themselves? Eh, probably just not go to the movies at all.

Snitch

The release date: February 22, 2013.

Previous date: None.

Why? As it turns out, the Dwayne Johnson- and Susan Sarandon-starring film has been done for awhile, and has just been in need of a date. While the film’s story (“a father goes undercover for the DEA in order to free his son who was imprisoned after being set up in drug deal”) could be another hilarious family film for The Rock, it’s actually not. It’s a thriller from former stuntman Ric Roman Waugh. And Barry Pepper is in it, too!

Currently slated for that date? Nothing! Long live The Rock!

No Good Deed

The release date: October 18, 2013.

Previous date: None.

Why? A kidnapping thriller starring Idris Elba? Oh, my God, put this thing anywhere, and we’ll go watch it. Will this be the new Taken (sorry, uh, Taken 2)? Please say yes, America! Make Idris a star!

Currently slated for that date? WB’s The Seventh Son, a film that I still don’t legitimately believe has actually been made.

Battle of the Year

The release date: September 13, 2013.

Previous date: January 25, 2013.

Why? We really need to take a moment to talk about what Battle of the Year is. Better yet, what (full title) Battle of the Year: The Dream Team is about, because I can hardly believe that this film exists. Starring Josh Holloway, Josh Peck, Laz Alonoso, and Chris Brown, the film centers on “an American b-boy crew [who] heads to France to compete at the Battle of the Year International Championships.” Um, pardon? This movie exists? I am literally shocked that it’s been moved back eight months. Just floored. Jaw-dropping. I look forward to closing out next summer’s movie season with whatever the heck Battle of the Year proves to be. Wow.

Currently slated for that date? Yup, I, Frankenstein and that Little Mermaid 3D re-release. What a banger of a release date.

[BoxOfficeMojo]


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