For too long the Smurf menace has ravaged our land. Those tiny assholes have taken everything from us, most notably our greatest natural resource – Smurfberries.

Thankfully, there is finally someone who is going to stand up to them. Someone who will hopefully drive them off our land forever and tear down all the liquor stores and strip clubs they’ve built where our parks and youth centers used to be.

The Hollywood Reporter is Hollywood reporting that Hank Azaria is going to be lending his voice to play Gargamel in the new documentary live-action/CGI Smurfs film.

Also hopping onto the cast (and hopefully hunting down Smurfs) will be Jayma Mays, who Neil got overly acquainted with during his “Glee”-watching For Science.

She’ll co-star as the wife of Neil Patrick Harris’s character.

What I still don’t understand is why there are human characters in the film, but Gargamel isn’t human. It’s just a gut reaction, but it seems like it will be really jarring to see human beings next to CGI human beings. Like in Space Jam. Or Fight Club (Tyler Durden was, as we all know, added in post).

Still, it’s great news to know that our fine society will once return to its greatness. Hopefully we can climb our way back out of this Smurf-caused recession as soon as Hank Azaria inevitably succeeds in his noble task.

Who’s with me?


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