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Another Three Musketeers remake is in the works. Who cares?

If you’re 1) a Francophile, or 2) liked Alien vs. Predator, you might. Produced by Martin Moszkowicz and directed by Paul W. S. Anderson, this The Three Musketeers will be run largely by the AvP folks at Constantin. Anderson, also known for Resident Evil, is taking a stab at this swashbuckling story of many remakes. And he’s doing it in 3D. The Three Musketeers is a 19th century Alexandre Dumas novel (made several times over into 20th century movies) following the story of a young d’Artagnan, who longs to become a great musketeer — one of the personal guards of the French crown. He encounters and befriends the contentious Athos, Porthos, and Aramis — three musketeers of legend and folly.

I don’t know about you, but I’m having a hard time picturing this in 3D. Or without culmination in the musketeers fighting some sort of epic inner-species battle with their lame little fencing sticks, handily getting the what-for and surrendering France at the end. I just am.

And just how, exactly, will Anderson handle this film? He’s stated that, “we are definitely modernizing The Three Musketeers without compromising the fun of shooting a period piece. But in our film, corsets and feathered hats don’t take center stage. Our version is rich in eye-popping action, romance and adventure.” And aliens? Does this mean that there will be combating sentient beings and lots of scenes with dripping mucous? Will there be sharp teeth and action figures? How many tons of KY Jelly will be used in the making of this film? The world wants answers.

What do you think?


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