Outrage! Calumny! Uwe Boll’s Postal Won’t Be In a Theater Near You!

Uwe Boll on Postal

Despite fans clamoring, waiting nearly twenty years, the brilliant viral marketing campaign and the constant positive media buzz, Uwe Boll’s latest piece of genius has been yanked from all 150 billion theaters that is was going to play in next weekend.

It seems obvious to all involved, including the auteur director himself, that the reasoning behind the move is purely political. Theaters across the country don’t want audiences to see the film, a work of art that was considered for the updated AFI Top 100 List before principal photography even concluded. As shameful as it is, the major movie chains have denied Postal a space in their giganti-multi-mexaplexes because of one terrifyingly fascistic reason.

They would lose a ton of money.

Someone needs to remind these hate-mongers that they aren’t in the business of making money; they’re in the business of delivering glimpses into the very Soul of God, like Uwe Boll’s Postal, to the masses. Instead, theater goers will be forced to sit through hack director Steven Spielberg’s much maligned Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or have to see Iron Man for a ninth time. What ever happened to choice and variety, movie theater chain owners?

I can only assume that right now the phones of every Senator and Congressperson in Washington is ringing off the hook with protest callers demanding more Uwe Boll. With any luck, there’s a spot on Hillary’s campaign for the spunky, never-say-quit director.

Rise up film lovers! Call your local chain! Call the National Guard! Call Uwe Boll and allow him to project Postal onto the side of your house for a small nominal fee! Let the oppressors of the world know that you demand Uwe Boll’s cinematic genius. Let them know that this aggression will not stand.

Source: Cinema Blend

A veteran of writing about movies for nearly a decade, Scott Beggs has been the Managing Editor of Film School Rejects since 2009. Despite speculation, he is not actually Walter Mathau's grandson. See? He can't even spell his name right.

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