“Persians! Come and get them!”
– King Leonidas, 300 (2006)
Alfred Molina (Doc Ock in the abomination known as Spider Man 2) and Ben Kingsley (Schindler’s List, Lucky Number Slevin) have officially filled the old guy quota for Disney’s upcoming Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. Molina and Kingsley join less seasoned (a.k.a. not old and ugly) actors Jake Gyllenhaal (Zodiac, Brokeback Mountain) and British beauty Gemma Arterton in the Mike Newell-directed, Jerry Bruckheimer produced (seriously, what doesn’t this guy produce?? Damn) adaptation of the Ubisoft video game.
Unfortunately for those viewers who actually pay the $10.50 to see this movie in theaters when it is released next June, this film is not an animated film, as is its namesake (Prince of Persia, 2003). Instead, it is a live action feature, meaning that viewers will indeed be subjected to actually SEEING Molina and Kingsley throughout the film.
On a side note, does this film’s title remind anyone else of Douglas Fairbanks and The Thief of Bagdad? (Better question: has anyone else even seen Douglas Fairbanks in The Thief of Bagdad? I mean… I have no idea if Bagdad and Persia are at all related—in fact, they probably aren’t—but in my head they’re somehow in the same kind of category… maybe that just makes me racist. Yeah, that probably just makes me racist.
At any rate, my point is that there will be old dudes doing shit in Prince of Persia. Although the film is still in the pre-production phase and is currently unrated, I’m sure it’s going to end up being some lame PG-13 (at best) feel-good Disney movie that all of you mommies and daddies out there can take your screaming toddlers to. Long story short, I won’t be seeing it.
Thanks a lot, Disney.