A few days ago, I was asked what movies I was most looking forward to in 2009. I’ll admit that I was asking myself, using my comb as a microphone and pretending that my cardboard cut-out of David Letterman was the actual, three-dimensional David Letterman interviewing me in front of his live studio audience. Even though my friend Marco threw in random Paul Shaffer-esque “ha ha’s” and keyboard fills dispassionately, I think he was still really interested to know that other than Watchmen, the only movie in early 2009 that I really care about is Bitch Slap.

Lucky for me, a new trailer is slinking around the internet, making sexual advances toward any man that cares to watch and dry-humping our sensibilities. Allow it to dry-hump yours right now:

After years of watching films and their trailers, I’ve learned the subtle truth that when a trailer ends by promising to take us to “brown town,” we’re in for a wild ride. You may not have jumped to that conclusion, but my three PhD’s in the Film Trailer Arts gives me special insight in the matter, and trust me – you don’t want to be heading to Brown Town. Especially after dark.

Sweaty cleavage in the desert. Giant weapons that probably can’t exist in real life. The promise of $200 million and some sort of revenge plot. I’m sold. This flick looks ridiculous on every level, campy and amazing. Basically, this film is tailor-made for me and anyone else who is completely awesome.

Or maybe I should say trailer-made.

I probably shouldn’t. But the point is, if this film delivers on its bad ass promises, it could be so intense that the majority of critics will resort to calling it a “wild ride” because they’re all unoriginal.

Be looking out for this wild ride coming in January 2009.

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