What is Movie News After Dark? It’s a nightly movie news column that refuses to wear a fat suit. Unless it’s Halloween, because then it will be dressing up as Patton Oswalt. Because no one else is doing it, even though they should be.

For those who have not heard yet, Eddie Murphy will host the upcoming 84th edition of the Academy Awards. According to show producer and Murphy fanclub vice president Brett Ratner, Eddie Murphy was meant to be Oscar host. Because the golden guy’s special night needs nothing more than a little fatsuit comedy — that’s why!

According to Bloody Disgusting, Amy Adams could take the lead in a remake of J.A. Bayona’s 2007 thriller The Orphanage. In other news, the idea of a remake of The Orphanage still sounds like a good idea to someone. Not to say that there’s a lack of mystery in the relationship between the film property and say, anyone who saw the original, but the original is a near-perfect film. I, for one, don’t see it as necessary. But maybe that’s just me.

Because a night of news is essentially garbage without something truly badass to talk about, there is the revelation that Peter Stormare may star as adversary to Arnold Schwarzenegger in Kim Jee-Woon’s The Last Stand. That is big news for the Swedish actor, who I don’t think has ever played a Swede, has he? He also loses a lot on the big screen. When’s this guy going to win a fight to the death?

Paramount Pictures has debuted a charming, bookish teaser poster for Jason Reitman’s Young Adult, from a script by Diablo Cody. The Juno squad is reteaming to place Charlize Theron in the role of a poorly adjusted young adult novelist who, despite being an adult, continues to live like a 14-year old. I imagine it will be witty and fresh (Cody’s contribution) and have a fair amount of heart (Reitman’s signature). I’m for it.

Bruce Willis and director Breck Eisner (The Crazies) could be teaming to make a sequel to last year’s best team-up actioner, RED. That movie was of quality, as is the work of Eisner, who surprised with his remake of George Romero’s viral outbreak classic. So yes, it should be a lot of fun. Especially if they once again put a large machine gun in the hands of an evening-gown wearing Helen Mirren.

Over at /Film, Peter and crew may have uncovered an unofficial Girl with the Dragon Tattoo production blog that includes a lot of very nifty, secretive type stuff from David Fincher’s next. That, or like the “bootleg” trailer release, it could be another brilliant piece of viral marketing. Either way, I’ll bite.

The writers behind Ed Wood have been hired to write Monopoly. In related news, a Monopoly movie is still being considered. My only hope is that it, like Battleship, includes an alien invasion. I’ve got a great tagline: Boardwalk is toast.

Earlier I mentioned Jason Reitman’s Young Adult. Patton Oswalt is in that movie. You can listed to a clip from his upcoming comedy album. And you should.

Patton Oswalt has also guest-starred on Community. DJ Steve Porter has remixed all of Community‘s second season in a video he calls “Sick School.” Watch this, too, then go to bed, my precious children.


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