In life there are certain truisms: the sky is blue, the planets of the Solar System rotate around the Sun and there is no such thing as too much Chuck Norris. So, all mankind should rejoice at The Hollywood Reporter’s news that MGM, as part of its apparent effort to remake every single one of its films, has greenlit a redo of Missing in Action, one of Norris’ many, many awesomely bad movies from the 1980s.

The studio’s setting the bar pretty low for the new film, a co-production with the WWE: it’s bypassing theaters entirely. They’ve hired Jeremy Passmore (also given story credit on the studio’s forthcoming Red Dawn remake) and Andre Fabrizio to write the script, which will transform the original’s Vietnam setting into present day Iraq.

Stunningly, the writers plan to imbue the screenplay with an intelligent depiction of the sectarian strife so firmly at the country’s heart and a thoughtful condemnation of the abuses within the military chain of command that lead to Abu Ghraib. Just kidding! Early April Fools!

Actually, one should expect lots of spectacular explosions, scores of dead terrorists and ample one-liners, the perfect ingredients for a tribute to ’80s action. Only one question remains: can the movie evoke the spirit of Norris without the man himself, now pushing 70, playing the lead?

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