OJ Simpsons

Hug your loved ones, reflect quietly on your life’s better moments or make peace with your God because according to The Wrap, a living human being is going to spend $65M to make a thriller out of the Nicole Brown-Simpson murder case where O.J. Simpson was acquitted due to a wardrobe malfunction.

That human being is Joshua Newton, who most recently wrote and directed the not-good  Iron Cross. The idea behind An American Mystery (no kidding) is to present more suspects and more information in order to shift the story into the mystery genre. No word yet on how Hercule Poirot will be involved, but Newton has already cast newcomer Charlotte Kirk (who will be seen in a small role in the Liam Neeson thriller Non-Stop) as Brown-Simpson.

Naturally, the project also has the backing of several former athletes and current politicians. Because, you know, why not.

While I fully recognize we’ve reached such a critical mass on 80s nostalgia that the 90s are cowering in the corner (hello, Captain Planet movie!), this is not the childhood memory I was hoping would see the screen. Especially because it feels like the worst kind of ghoulishness — scratching at a painful wound and then skipping town before providing any antiseptic. Newton is apparently promising new facts, but still wants the film’s audience to weight the merits of Simpson’s guilt. Because we didn’t do that already. Twenty years ago.

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