Jurassic World

Universal Pictures

If you were concerned that Jurassic World (the fictional place, not Jurassic World, the real movie) wouldn’t be kitted out with the very best amenities that the theme park world has to offer, rest your pretty little heads. This place is going to be sweet, even if it’s packed with murderous dinosaurs and apparently bored teens. A leaked brochure that purports to be a fun prop from Colin Trevorrow‘s currently in-production addition to the Jurassic Park mythos has just hit the web, and it boasts all kinds of special attractions for Jurassic World visitors, from an official soda (Jurassic World is a Coca-Cola joint, okay? there are no Pepsi products to be found here) to various “park highlights” that allow guests to enjoy the dino-goodies that have been (quite literally) cooked up for them.

The brochure — which we certainly hope is real — popped up on Reddit (via MTV and Cinema Blend), and while it appears to be missing one major aspect (that would be a map), it sure looks like the real deal. Otherwise, it’s just a very strange piece of marketing for FedEx. Or American Airlines. Or Samsung, Coke and Starbucks. Take a look at the brochure below:

So, where do you want to go first? The Starbucks or the feeding show? Maybe the lab? What about the gyrosphere? Maybe after lunch? Yeah, that seems best.

It appears that Jurassic World is crammed with a number of big-time attractions, and though we probably won’t get to see all of them in the film, there are more than a handful that sound like intriguing settings for some dino-sized mayhem. Certainly the Creation Lab will get some traffic, but what about the petting zoo and feeding show? Those sound ill-advised even with normal animals. And an entire T-Rex Kingdom? Good God, who could possibly exhibit that kind of hubris (the creators of a dinosaur-themed park literally built on the ruins of a previous mishap, that’s who).

If this brochure is the real deal, we suspect there are some fun hints woven into it, too. The Aviary? Which is “safe for all guests”? Who wants to bet that doesn’t pan out as billed? And the Cretaceous Cruise, which is only for people who are “fit enough to navigate”? Let’s just be prepared to see some people who aren’t fit for much of anything being forced to paddle away from hulking monsters.

Of course, the big reminder to not tap on the glass seems like the biggest tease of all, lest they get mad. What’s next? Don’t feed them after midnight? (Oh, just don’t feed them at all, that’s fair.) At least there will be Frappuccinos for all.

Jurassic World will open on June 12, 2015.

 

 


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