‘Johnson’ Finally Cuts to the Chase and Turns Dick Jokes Into Entire Film

Yes, It's a Hot Dog

Do you love all of the dick jokes in today’s raunchy, R-rated comedies, but hate it when the movies stray away from its protagonists’ penises and try to put their focus on something else, like flash mobs, food trucks, or burgeoning art careers? Then the new comedy from screenwriter Jeff Tetreault, Johnson, might be exactly what you’re looking for.

The movie is about a womanizer named Rich Johnson (get it?) whose genitals feel so overworked by his sexual conquests that they take human form, leave his body, and refuse to come back until he learns how to be a better man. According to THR, Twilight star Cam Gigandet has been signed to play Johnson, while comedian Nick Thune has been tapped to play the johnson.

Wondering how exactly one depicts a wang taking human form on film? You’re in luck, Tetreault has another dick joke to tell as a non-answer to this question. He explained to THR that his script is, “semi-autobiographical. Nick is only 6’4, though. Shaq would be more of an accurate physical representation.”

You see how much this movie has to offer? Do you see? Huck Botko, who directed the Gary Sanchez-produced The Virginity Hit, is set to helm. So far Gigandet and Thune are the only names cast, so any actresses who want to audition for the part of the giant penis’ love interest should presumably start sending in head shots now.

Weaned on the genre films of the 80s. Reared by the independent movement of the 90s. Earned a BA for writing stuff in the 00s. Reviews current releases at

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