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Jack Bauer to Kick Ass For a Full Day on Big Screen

Remember that time that you thought a television program in its 8th season would make a great movie? And then you made Sex and the City, and it grossed eleventy billion dollars?

Yes, that’s right. I’m assuming the entire readership of FSR amounts to Sarah Jessica Parker.

Anyway, Mrs. Parker, the point I’m trying to make is that it seems like a dull idea for Jack Bauer to make his transition to the big screen so late in the game. Of course, I’m also an idiot, because “24” is still boasting 11.2 million viewers even if it’s experiencing the third lowest ratings in all of its 8 seasons.

Basically, it still packs a punch.

But does that mean it will translate to serious box office?

I have no idea. You know why? Because we’re months and months away from even seeing a trailer, so anyone speculating at this point would be doing just that: speculating.

However, it is with gusto that the production is announcing that they’ve hired screenwriter Billy Ray (State of Play, Breach) to bring the super terrorism fighter to a theater near you.

Oddly enough, even with my limited knowledge of “24,” Ray seems like a strange choice since he works best when he’s sticking to a world of understatement and tension – not sweaty, greasy torture sequences. I have a feeling he’ll be able to pull it off, though. He has some fantastic scenes under his belt (although State of Play stands out as a blemish on his record).

Broken Glass was a fantastic script that even Hayden Christensen had trouble messing up, and Breach was as tight as you’d want a spy thriller to get.

So I’m excited. But only mostly because Ray also wrote Volcano, and that had a character named “Gator Harris” involved, and any writer ballsy enough to name a character that deserves a little praise and a hearty handshake.

Of course, Fox will be heading it up, and Variety is reporting that the story involves Bauer somehow tramping around Europe.

It’s early in the game, but I think all fans would agree that there’s one thing that absolutely has to happen in the film:

Let Bauer go to the bathroom.

What do you think, Sarah Jessica?

A veteran of writing about movies for nearly a decade, Scott Beggs has been the Managing Editor of Film School Rejects since 2009. Despite speculation, he is not actually Walter Mathau's grandson. See? He can't even spell his name right.

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