The Biggest Reject LoserYou don’t know this yet, but this week is a fairly monumental week here at Film School Rejects. Over the course of the next 7 days we will be unleashing a bunch of new editorial features, everything from ways to bring you more up-to-date movie news to a cheat sheet that will guide your moviegoing every weekend. We have a feeling that you will like what you see, so stick around.

We begin with a wager, an exercise in self-deprecation, if I may. For some time, it has been clear that three of the prominent figures here at FSR have been a little overweight. This includes myself, FSR’s newly appointed Senior Editor Kevin Carr and FSR Editor Brian Gibson — we are all chunky, to say the least. And for the longest time we have all gone through the cycles of weight loss — diet, exercise, lose a little, become happy and binge eat, feel miserable, think about dieting again — it is only natural. But this time, things are a little different, the guys who bring you the weekly chubby goodness that is Fat Guys at the Movies are getting serious about weight loss. This time we’ve decided to bring our love for competition (and beating each other) into the mix. Thus, we have created The Biggest Reject Loser, a superbly planned knock-off of the popular TV show.

Here is how it is all going to go down:

The contest will run from today until July 23, 2008, the day before the San Diego Comic Con.

Every Sunday, the contestants will weigh in and be subject to ridicule publicly on FSR via this column. The contest will track the amount of weight lost and the percentage of body weight lost. The person who loses the highest percentage of their body weight for the entire period will be the winner.

But what is the prize? Well, the winner receives nothing, really, except the knowledge that they are exempt from the following shenanigans:

The two losers will have to act out the final seen from There Will Be Blood on the streets of San Diego during Comic Con. One will take the role of Daniel Plainview, originally played by Daniel Day Lewis and the other will play the part of Eli Sunday, originally portrayed by Paul Dano. The reenactment will be complete with props, costumes and plenty of silliness — and someone is going to have their milkshake drunk!

Sound like fun? We thought so. Now, lets meet the combatants, up close and personal:

 

 
Name: Neil Miller Kevin Carr Brian Gibson
Starting Weight: 269 lbs. 279 lbs. 318 lbs.
Your Guilty Pleasure Food: Anything off the Wendy’s dollar menu — gotta love those little chicken nuggets. As well, I am a sucker for a Papa John’s pizza — a whole one. I’ve also found that Triscuit crackers are not that much better for you than regular crackers, which is depressing. My biggest food challenges are fast food because it’s easy and homemade baked goods like pies and cookies. I can make all this stuff myself with very little effort (Toll House chocolate chip cookies are insanely easy), and with a family, the temptation to make them is high. Penn Station or 4th Meal Toxic Hell. Chicken Terriyaki Sub and a side of fresh cut fries. Taco Salad – that thing is like 1000 calories… its a death salad
Why Lose Weight?: For one, Kevin Carr is my mortal enemy and I must defeat him at anything and everything. As well, I was recently informed by Megan Fox that she would no longer go out with me unless I lost a few pounds… Apparently she thinks that a thinner, clean-shaven version of me would somehow resemble Brian Austin Green. Boy, is she in for a surprise. The biggest reason is to get healthy. I’ve got 2 kids and another on the way. I don’t want to die before I see them grow up. Being in my 30s, I’m already seeing the effects of being overweight for much of my adult life, and I want to counteract that the best I can… oh, and also to meet chicks if only to reject them because I’m married already… it’ll make me feel cool. I have never been this heavy, and I want to get back down to what I weighed in High School. Ultimately though, I want to be able to squeeze through a small window when and if a homicidal maniac is chasing
  me and I end up in a hotel bathroom.
Your Weight Loss Strategy: I plan to somehow cheat my way into the winner’s circle by taking these black market weight loss pills that I ordered in straight from Bolivia. They are also supposed to increase my stamina in the bedroom and make my hair grow — so its a win-win situation all around. Any good weight-loss strategy involves eating less and exercising more. So I’ll be doing that. I’m not following a traditional diet, but I’m making better food choices, not eating as much processed stuff, cutting the refined sugar intake and exercising regularly (usually near the end of the day after eating my main meal). This has worked for me in the past, so hopefully it will work in the future. No more 4th meals, no more eating from drive-thrus, a balanced and healthy diet, making animal crackers my new snack of choice. I will also be committing myself to 3 gym days a week.

So there you have it — thems are the terms of this here arrangement. Now on to the big question of the day: Who do you think is going to win and who is going to be doing street theater in San Diego?

Check back next Sunday afternoon for an update!


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