Have you ever thought that the horrors and anxieties of childhood piano recitals have just never been appropriately captured on film? Ever thought that Speed would have been better if Keanu Reeves had to keep playing “Chopsticks” rather than keep driving a bus? Then Grand Piano is definitely the movie for you.
Written by The Last Exorcism 2 scribe Damien Chazelle and to be helmed by Spanish director Eugenio Mira, Grand Piano tells the tale of a formerly famous concert pianist who hasn’t performed in front of people for five years due to crippling stage fright. When he finally does work up the nerve to perform in front of people again, he sits down to his piano to find that a note has been left on his music sheet by a vile terrorist. You see, if he doesn’t play the most perfect concert that he’s ever played in his life, both he and his wife will be killed!
Yes, that’s the crux of this ridiculous idea. No joke. But the best part is that the concert pianist is going to played by Elijah Wood. Is there any other actor in Hollywood better at looking completely freaked out on film than Wood? Is there any pair of wide blue eyes in the world that could more perfectly project the abject terror of sliding up to a piano’s keys and not being able to make a single mistake? This movie could take that piano scene from The Goonies to whole new levels of terror. I can already hear all of the little whimpers Wood’s going to be making, see all of the grizzly images of his wife’s brutal throat-slitting that are going to be dancing through his head. It’s glorious. Added points if they cast Andy Serkis as the bad guy.
Grand Piano is set to start production come late summer, and its release date can’t come soon enough. [Heat Vision]