Disaster Movie: The Most Accurate Title in the History of Film

Hello? Mom? Can you get me out of this awful movie?

Not too long ago, a local print critic in Ohio referred to internet writers as breeding like rats. All offense and print-elite arrogance aside, I must admit that something is breeding faster than us: spoof movies.

You thought that with the release of Meet the Spartans in January, there would be at least a one-year reprieve before more of that spoof slop to come along. But Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the cinematic geniuses behind Date Movie, Epic Movie and the aforementioned Meet the Spartans, are not letting us off so easily.

At the risk of being too crass, even for a rat-like internet blog like this one, the best analogy I can think of for Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer is that they are the butt holes of Hollywood. These guys are responsible for dumping crap all over the cineplexes. Apparently, Hollywood has dysentery, and Friedberg and Seltzer are ready to unload again.

You thought that the next awful spoof movie in their hands would be their Superbad rip-off, as reported last month on this site? Not true. Friedberg and Seltzer are currently in Shreveport, Louisiana filming their latest shit-storm on celluloid, Disaster Movie, due at the end of August.

Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that this is the most appropriately-named film ever made. In fact, the only way to top this is if Uwe Boll titles his next film The Worst Movie Ever!

According to Movies Online, the film’s stars are being billed as “the dynamic trio,” consisting of Carmen Electra, Kim Kardashian and Vanessa Minnillo.

Wow. Prepare for the suck.

Sure, Carmen Electra I get. She was in the spoof movies from the Scary Movies through Meet the Spartans. And Vanessa Minnillo I get because she’s totally hot. But Kim Kardashian, while hot as well, is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Like Paris Hilton, she’s known more for her sex tape and butt implants than anything useful to society.

And with the guaranteed PG-13 rating these movies get, I’m certain you’ll see a lot less of Kardashian than you did with her romp with Ray J.

If you’re wondering about this film’s plot (also known as random splattercast of pop culture references), here’s what Movies Online is saying:

This movie centers on a group of ridiculously attractive twenty-somethings who are trying to make their way to safety as every known natural disaster – asteroids, twisters, earthquakes, the works – hits the city in one fateful night. The story follows this group of friends on their comic misadventures as they try to escape in the midst of catastrophic events while simultaneously trying to solve a series of mysteries to end the destruction. Disaster Movie takes aim at everything and everyone, from Sex and the City and There Will Be Blood to Amy Winehouse and Dr. Phil., lampooning movies pop culture icons and public figures along the way.

Is this movie ever going to suck!

Yet it will still make $50 million or so. Oh, the humanity!

Kevin Carr crawled from the primordial ooze in the early 1970s. He grew up watching movies to the point of irritation for his friends and was a font of useless movie knowledge until he decided to put that knowledge to good use. Now, Kevin is a nationally syndicated critic, heard on dozens of radio stations around the country, and his reviews appear in a variety of online outlets. Kevin is also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (BFCA), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS), and the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA).

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