What is Movie News After Dark? This is a question that I am almost never asked, but I will answer it for you anyway. Movie News After Dark is FSR’s newest late-night secretion, a column dedicated to all of the news stories that slip past our daytime editorial staff and make it into my curiously chubby RSS ‘flagged’ box. It will (but is not guaranteed to) include relevant movie news, links to insightful commentary and other film-related shenanigans. I may also throw in a link to something TV-related here or there. It will also serve as my place of record for being both charming and sharp-witted, but most likely I will be neither of the two. I write this stuff late at night, what do you expect?

Who will storm Ron Howard’s Dark Tower adaptation?! The question of the day, if you ask me. First it was The New York post saying that Christian Bale was the director’s choice. Then later came Deadline Can’-Ka No Rey with a report saying that Javier Bardem had been officially offered the role. In other news, /Film has already reported that Steven King has named this the best movie of 2013. I don’t know how they did it — but they did.

Earlier this week, I brought you a link to famed film editor Walter Murch’s letter to Roger Ebert about the fallibility of the 3D format. Tonight you get another side of the story, a spirited essay from Todd Gilchrist over at Box Office Mag. The debate has never been hotter, or made with such big words.

For Christmas this year, I gave my darling, Star Wars-loving girlfriend a Jedi bathrobe from ThinkGeek. It was nothing like the Yoda bathrobe featured over at Great White Snark. In that it wasn’t ridiculous.

It’s clear at this point that NBC is looking to spice up the seventh season of The Office, deemed to be Steve Carell’s last on the show. First came word that Ricky Gervais would be stopping by, and now news that Will Ferrell will do a four-episode arc later this season. Said producer Paul Leiberstein on what we can expect from Ferrell: “once America gets a good look at Will, they’ll see what we see: tremendous raw sexuality.”

Looking for a late night snack? How about an Iron Man pizza?

New Zealand is very sorry about those things it said about Anna Faris.

Kristen Stewart is now being rumored to be the number one pick by director Rupert Sanders to play the titular role in Snow White and the Huntsman. Clearly she’s right for the part of the Huntsman, but they’re pursuing her for Snow White anyway. If they’re looking for a Snow White who is disinterested and endlessly bored by her surroundings, KStew will be magical.

Producer Marc Fiore, who is assembling a biopic of legendary mobster John Gotti Sr., thinks that John Travolta would be perfect for the lead role. He’s even got him in “serious talks.” Is this potential Oscar-bait for an aging Travolta? Or should we fagetaboutit? (I couldn’t resist.)

I do hope that this doesn’t turn out to be a spoiler — because it so, I’m going to punch Heat Vision’s Borys Kit in the nuts. Not only has he broken the story that Michael Fassbender will join Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, he also spilled the part about Fassbender’s character being an android. Not the phone, a mechanical humanoid.

Were you aware that the Chinese were remaking What Women Want, retitling it I Know a Woman’s Heart and releasing it in the US and Canada on February 3? Neither did I. I was also unaware that Mel Gibson would not be starring, and found that to be disappointing.

Yes, this 9-minute clip from the Indian action movie Enthiran is insane. And yes, it’s the perfect end to your evening here on FSR. Please do enjoy and be sure to pick up your cups and wrappers and dispose of them in the appropriate bins on the way out:

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