Ninjas

Straight out of the gate, let it be reiterated that no one on the Film School Rejects staff is into talking, texting, cartwheeling, or snoozing in movie theaters. We’re mainly of the “it’s a temple” school of thinking and we’re generally big fans of the Alamo Drafthouse’s zero tolerance policy, so any new ideas for keeping movie-goers shut up and tuned in will get some attention from us. But the cinema world’s newest idea for keeping patrons in line – straight out of England – is perhaps one of the worst ideas yet.

At the very least, it’s certainly the most terrifying.

The Independent reports (via Gawker) that the Prince Charles Cinema (located in London’s Leicester Square) has come up with a brand new idea for shutting up chatty wankers and, weirdly enough, people who are into It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia cosplay might be its biggest fans. The idea is simple – the theater has brought on a group of volunteers (deemed a “ninja taskforce”) to blend into theater backgrounds, wait it out, see a movie for free, and then totally “pounce catlike” on to any movie-goers who commit any crimes against cinema etiquette. But, wait, how do they blend into the background?

They’re wearing Morphsuits, body-covering spandex body suits that even cover their faces (you know, just like the Green Man). I have peed my pants. I don’t even talk in the theater (and I certainly don’t text) and I don’t even live in London, but I am utterly terrified.

But wait!, you may say, surely people who go to this movie theater know what they are in for, and it’s clearly their fault if they get pounced on and subsequently terrified. Well, that doesn’t seem to be the case, at least if this first-hand report (from /Film) is to be believed:

I normally hate noisy people in cinemas, but I got a call from my friend just as the movie started and thought I could get away with taking it. The last thing I expected was two completely blacked-out people suddenly appearing by our seats and give me and my mates a warning to shut up. It was actually pretty terrifying at first, but then I realised it was a bit of a laugh and a great way to make it clear what I was doing was having an impact on those around me. It certainly made me hang up and shut up for the rest of the film.

First of all, don’t ever, ever, ever take a phone call in a movie theater. That aside, it sure doesn’t sound like Joe Moviegoer knew what he was in for. Perhaps make a sign, Prince Charles Cinema? Let people know what’s going on? Or, hey, here’s something insane, just train some ushers to enforce the rules, Drafthouse-style?

What do you think – are ninjas too much, just right, or not enough?


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