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What is Casting Couch? It’s obsessed with the future, and never dwells in the past. Who cares about what these actors have accomplished already, what are they going to be doing next? Today we have some real news along with some anonymous speculation about who could be the new Snake Plissken.

Today’s big news concerns a major casting for Marvel’s upcoming star-spangled sequel, Captain America: The Winter Soldier. The Latino Review is reporting that UFC Champion and French-Canadian fellow, Georges St-Pierre, is going to be stepping out of the octagon and onto a movie set to play one of Cap’s villains. The obvious joke here, since St-Pierre is pseudo-French and a fighter, is that he would be playing super-lame Cap villain, Batroc the Leaper, whose only real powers are that he likes to do jump kicks and he’s got a French accent so strong that it triggers his gag reflex, but obviously a film version of Captain America would never…wait…he actually is going to be playing Batroc the Leaper? Oh, man. He grows the pencil-thin mustache or we riot.

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In more French news: director Olivier Assayas and actress Juliette Binoche are going to be teaming up again. The first time they worked together was on 2008’s Summer Hours, and now they’re set to make a film about an aging actress called Sils Maria. Ion Cinema reports that not only is Binoche attached to the film as the actress, but another talented name, Mia Wasikowska, has also jumped on board in the role of the actress’ young assistant. The story supposedly takes place in one room, somewhere in the titular region of Switzerland, and focuses on the lead character’s insecurities about aging as well as her regrets concerning her career. Sounds like some sort of Ms. Havisham meets Sunset Boulevard-type story. Given the talents involved, it should be hella interesting.

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If you believe everything you hear in the media about Katherine Heigl, then you probably think that she’s the devil. So maybe it’s smart of her to feed into that general consensus by taking a devilish role in an upcoming movie called North of Hell. Deadline is reporting that she and Patrick Wilson have signed on to star in the film, which is reportedly about a successful businessman who seems to have the perfect life, except for the fact that he has a control-freak wife who obsessively micro-manages everything he does. Skateland’s Anthony Burns will be directing as well as writing the screenplay, which is said to be from a story by Carlo Allen, Ted Elrick & Tom Lavagnino. Is it possible the story could be about the planned murder of the hen-pecking wife? That could prove to be a pretty cathartic experience for anyone who has sat through Heigl’s romantic comedies. Lots of box office potential there.

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Paradise Lost, that movie where Josh Hutcherson plays a normal kid who finds himself stumbling into a situation where he has to spend time with famous drug kingpin Pablo Escobar (Benicio Del Toro), has just signed another young face to its cast. According to Deadline, Brady Corbet, who has recently appeared in a string of high-profile-for-the-arthouse indie pics like Martha Marcy May Marlene, Melancholia, and Simon Killer, is now on board as well. He’ll be playing the brother of Hutcherson’s character, who is presumably incredibly jealous that he’s not the one doing blow and shooting people with Pablo Escobar. “It’s not fair mom, he gets to do everything!”

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We already knew that reviled standup comedian turned reviled actor, Dane Cook, was going to be voicing the main character in Disney’s upcoming spinoff of Pixar’s merchandise-pushing powerhouse Cars, Planes, but today USA Today has revealed a handful of new names that are going to be lending their voices to the animated cash-grab as well. Not only are comedy icons like John Cleese, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and…uh…Teri Hatcher going to be voicing characters in the film, but we’re also going to be seeing something of a Top Gun reunion, as Anthony Edwards and Val Kilmer are all set to bring a couple of F-18 fighter jets to life. What, they couldn’t get Tom Cruise? I thought that whole Scientology thing meant he was supposed to be in service to others. Mr. Cruise, your fans are demanding the Maverick and Goose reunion that they deserve.

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If you like up-and-coming young actors, then Divergent is the movie for you, because it just added three of them to its cast. E Online says that the trio of Ben Lloyd-Hughes, Ben Lamb, and Christian Madsen have joined the project, in the fairly anonymous-sounding roles of Will, Edward, and Al. I guess if you’ve read the book, those names probably mean something? And as high-profile as this film adaptation is, and as often as it keeps coming up, it’s probably about time we buckle down and read the book, don’t you think? The three newcomers, of course, join a cast full of more established names like Shailene Woodley, Kate Winslet, and Aaron Eckhart.

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Whether you want to see it or not, Hollywood seems intent on doing a remake of John Carpenter’s dystopian classic, Escape From New York. The project fell apart over at New Line, but Studio Canal has recently taken up the baton, which means that the casting call to find the man who will step into Kurt Russell’s shoes and become the new Snake Plissken is going to be going out soon. Or it may have gone out already. NY Daily News is claiming to have confidential sources that are feeding them information about who the studio is going after, and it’s reported that they have two early favorites. No surprise, those early favorites are Jason Statham and Tom Hardy. Those dudes are basically the two biggest badasses working in Hollywood today, so of course they’re the first to come up. Given the fact that Hardy already stepped into Mel Gibson’s shoes for the new Mad Max though, probably we should just eliminate him right away and say that they’re looking at Statham. Hardy is awesome and everything, but you can’t just hand him all of the great action roles from the ’80s. That’s too much burden for any man to carry.


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