Breck Eisner to Direct Stretch Armstrong

“Stretch Armstrong was in the shape of a small well-muscled blonde man wearing a pair of underwear. Its most notable feature was that the doll could be stretched from its original size (about 15 inches) to four or five feet. However, if a tear did develop, it could be fixed with an adhesive bandage…There are still Original Stretch Armstrongs that have survived the passing of time and are remarkably preserved through sheer luck or being stored at the correct temperature…Stretch Armstrong is made of latex rubber filled with gelled corn syrup, which allows it to retain shape for a short time before shrinking to its original shape. The later 1990s figures had small beads inside them.”

Of course we need a movie about this man. Of course we need to know more about his life, his origins, his dreams, his wishes. How does Stretch Armstrong feel? What is gelled corn syrup? Do the beads tickle his insides? How does he keep smiling even when his life is being pushed to the very limit? What about melting?

We’ve long known that we were, for whatever reason, in for a Stretch Armstrong movie, but the project has been tossed around, discarded, and forgotten so often (much like an actual Stretch Armstrong doll) that it seemed as if it might never happen. Incorrect! Relativity Media has announced that director Breck Eisner is set to helm the film, one that will be “gritty” and filled with “life-or-death consequences.” What?

Earlier this month, our own Dr. Abaius reported that Eisner was in negotiations for the gig, and today’s confirmation also includes some hints about what sort of story we’re in for with Stretch.

The film will be scripted by Dean Georgaris (Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, The Manchurian Candidate), and Eisner himself believes that their work is “a fantastic opportunity to create a world that is both fresh and exhilarating…What really excites me is the chance to build a hero from the ground up.” Hopefully, that ground includes gelled corn syrup.

Tucker Tooley, President of Relativity and Owner of My Favorite Name in Hollywood, chimed in with his own brand of producer-y excitement, saying, “we were delighted by Breck and Dean’s innovative and creative concept for bringing this character to life. Their unique vision for creating the mythology for this story paired with their experience gives us the confidence that they are the perfect team to bring Stretch Armstrong to the big screen.” Part of that apparent “mythology”? A real first name for Stretch!

The film will reportedly be an “original story [that] will be a gritty actioner introducing the character of Lucas Armstrong and the life-or-death consequences he will face after undergoing a transformation granting him superhuman abilities.”

The film is currently set for an April 11, 2014 release. [Important Stretch Armstrong information from Wikipedia]

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