Biggest Comedic Talent of 1994 to Appear in Film Together

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Columbia Pictures has landed the steal of the century at half the price. According to Variety, Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison team are bringing a comedy to the studio, penned by Sandler and Fred Wolf, and directed by Dennis Dugan.

The story concept involves a group of friends who reunite three decades after high school over the Fourth of July weekend. Expect there to be fireworks. Literally. Not, like, dramatic figurative fireworks. Actual, real fireworks. To celebrate with.

Also expect a killer line up with Sandler leading the home team of Kevin James: Mall Cop, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider.

Of course I realize that Sandler has made several successful comedies (only misstepping with Zohan, but severely misstepping), Kevin James is on top of the world with Paul Blart, Chris Rock continues to be a Hollywood presence, Rob Schneider has made a living in extended cameos, and David Spade probably saw a few movies last year, but the grouping’s connection to the mid-90s is unmistakable. If Mike Meyers gets involved in any way, my mind will melt out of my ears.

Fortunately, a few of them have been off the radar long enough to be considered “The Hot New Up and Coming Comedians of 2009,” which is always a great springboard for fresh old talent.

As if I couldn’t editorialize enough to fill the dearth of information about this project (other than it’s untitled, very little is known), here’s a list of all the actors I demand to see making cameos in this film:

  • Steve Buscemi
  • Joey Lauren Adams
  • That guy who plays the gay lawyer in Big Daddy
  • That other guy who plays the gay lawyer in Big Daddy, the one who’s in Grandma’s Boy
  • Kevin Nealon
  • Dana Carvey
  • Leslie Mann
  • Jon Stewart
  • Doris Roberts
  • That guy who plays the stalker in Blades of Glory
  • Bob Barker
  • That giant guy who says, “And you can count on me…waiting for you in the parking lot,” in Happy Gilmore
  • Carl Weathers
  • Christopher McDonald

That’s a solid tenth of my list. I’ll publish the rest in easy-to-digest installments, but since this production is right at the beginning stages, they should have plenty of time to get all of these people on board to say one funny line or play a homeless guy or something. Also, if it’s a story about guys getting together and reconnecting after that long, is it too much to ask for Rob Schneider to play The Delivery Guy. Flesh that character out. Give him some depths.

Last tangent: I worked on the Sony lot for a while, and Sandler sometimes graces the basketball court there with his presence. That man is a wrecking ball if you pass him the rock in the paint. Believe it.

What do you think? Based on the tiny amount of information, can you actually form an opinion? Does it make you want to watch reruns of SNL from when you were in middle school?

A veteran of writing about movies for nearly a decade, Scott Beggs has been the Managing Editor of Film School Rejects since 2009. Despite speculation, he is not actually Walter Mathau's grandson. See? He can't even spell his name right.

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