Paramount Pictures wants to kill you — in 3D — with yet another sequel to the imported horror franchise The Ring. Writer David Loucka, who wrote the powerhouse script for the Whoopie Goldberg vehicle Eddie, has been hired to write the thing, according to Heat Vision.

We had to see this coming, I suppose. In 2002, Gore Verbinski’s The Ring began the now rampant trend of importing genre films from outside the United States and remaking them in an effort to scare American audiences. So why wouldn’t Paramount use The Ring to drive forward on Hollywood’s new fascination with the third dimension.

This new sequel — which is still without a director attached — is described as “more teen-centric than the first, and though the logline is being kept under wraps, the aim is to reinvent the franchise. One potential scenario involves teens finding a VHS player that still works.”

So not only is it a 3D sequel of an imported horror film, it’s a 3D reboot of an imported horror film. That, dear readers, is a Hollywood bandwagon full-house of cards. I believe Paramount may cause existence-ending paradoxes, should this film be allowed to come into fruition. Either that, or they will continue to make money off of a now second-rate horror franchise based on name recognition alone. Take your pick. Either way, we all lose.

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