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“It’s me, your penis!”

On a list of things you’d probably never think you’d hear when you answered the phone, that’s probably at the top, right? Then again, you’re not Cam Gigandet, one of the Twilight vampires whose name didn’t rhyme with with Shmobert Shmattinson, and are therefore destined to pick up a few questionable phone calls on film here and there.

With Bad Johnson, Gigandet has a problem with his penis. Oh, it works fine. Too well, in fact. But there it is, existing, getting him in trouble all the time. Because Gigandet is a man who has needs and can’t just not have sex. What are you, crazy? Because of his insatiable need to bone, Gigandet is a masterful womanizer, picking up chicks and putting them down as soon as the next vagina comes across his line of vision.

But when his habits start becoming destructive — he can’t keep up a simple relationship without cheating — he hopes and wishes for change. Like some kind of penis Cinderella, his wishes are granted on a full moon when he utters the beautiful, literal sentence “I wish my dick would just leave me alone” (this is also the first meaningful piece of dialogue in the trailer). When he awakens from his slumber, he discovers his penis gone — transformed into a horny bearded dude (Nick Thune). Because he’s a dude made out of a penis.

While penis guy wants to be best friends and bang chicks and have wacky adventures, Gigandet is concerned with one thing: turning him back into a penis and getting him reattached to his own body. The trailer for the film, which is directed by Huck Botco (Mail Order Wife) and written by  Jeff Tetreault, is full of plenty of WTF moments and bizarre jokes — again, penis guy — but there is potential. We’ve all heard the song “Detachable Penis.” It’s just now been realized in just a much grander scale — and starring a hipster and a former Twilight vampire.

Check out the trailer below:

Bad Johnson is in theaters in limited release on May 2nd, but first it hits VOD on April 1st.

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