Movie News After Dark: Armie Hammer as The Lone Ranger, Tony Jaa, Jurassic Park and Call of the Dead

What is Movie News After Dark? Tonight it’s a movie news column stunned by its author’s ability to find all that is cool and interesting in the world of film. Seriously, this might be the best one of these lot that he’s put together in over 150 tries. It’s almost as if he’s ready to graduate to a “mediocre” rating as a news aggregator. Then he can begin acquiring spells and executing more advanced quests before he can join a proper guild and go on raids.

Gore Verbinski may finally have found his Lone Ranger in the form of The Social Network star Armie Hammer. He is currently in talks to take the lead alongside Johnny Depp, who’s already been cast as Tonto. He’s got the look (and damn, the voice as well), but the challenge for Hammer will be the fact that there’s only one character to play in the film. Unless Verbinski carries over the “multiple Jack Sparrow” sequences from his Pirates of the Caribbean work.

“It’s kind of news to me. Here’s what I would say to that: It’s that I’m thrilled they’re that confident. I shall wait for the audience to tell us whether there should be a second one, and then if that’s a nice conversation to be had between all of us, that’d be thrilling. But I’ve got too much Irish superstitious blood in me to assume that Thor 2 will happen. But if Marvel says so, then I guess it must be true.” That’s Kenneth Branagh responding to Marvel Studios Chief Kevin Feige’s claim that there will be a Thor 2. It’s nice to see the confidence, indeed.

Speaking of Marvel Studios, it would appear as if someone has smuggled the script for The Avengers out of SHIELD headquarters and tried to sell it to Obsessed with Film. What they didn’t expect was for OwF to be not only ethical, but like every other movie blog on the planet, completely broke. They should have gone after /Film — that’s where the internet moneys are.

Tony Jaa is apparently back from another walk with the elephants (through Crazytown by way of Whackyville — don’t tell him I said that, he’d kick my ass) and is ready to get to work on a 3D sequel to Tom Yum Goong (The Protector) (via JoBlo). Director Prachya Pinkaew, the guy responsible for the ridiculous technical achievement in the first film’s single shot stairway sequence, will direct the film with a budget of $10 million dollars. It will also star JeeJa Yanin, the girl who kicked serious ass in Chocolate. Thai martial arts dream project for the proverbial, elephant riding win!

Would you like to watch an extended 2-minute TV trailer for Green Lantern, featuring all sorts of alien goodness? Shit yeah, you would.

Digital Spy is convinced that they have the title for the G.I. Joe sequel: G.I. Joe 2: Cobra Strikes. It makes sense, but could also be a working title. I was hoping for something more masculine, like G.I. Joe 2: The Rise of the Electric Bugaloo. Maybe not.

No matter where Jane Lynch goes or what she does, she’ll always find success. That’s because she’s an excellent actress. She will bring said excellence to the Farrelly Brothers’ Three Stooges film, in which she will play the nun that raises Larry, Curly and Moe. The likelihood of that being the most foul-mouthed nun in history is high. Place your bets now, folks.

A press release has confirmed that Piranha 3DD has added Gary Busey to its cast alongside Danielle Panabaker, David Koechner and others. His role is yet to be divulged, but it’s unlikely that he will play one of the fish, despite his oral endowments. Get it, because he’s got wicked huge teeth.

The uber-nerds at XKCD have unleashed their 2011 Guide to Making People Feel Old Using Movie Release Dates. The result is this feeling that I am getting very, very old. Jurassic Park was one of the first great theatrical experiences I had in my life. I was 9. That was eighteen years ago

Last week MovieWeb committed one of the ultimate sins of hackery in the business of creation, blatantly ripping off the application the folks at Flickchart built and have been using successfully for quite some time. Their “Face-Off!” app is much more than proof that any industry has its hacks, but evidence that they have no shame. Luckily the good folks at Flickchart have gone on the offensive. We support them, as we never really liked those MovieWeb guys, anyway. They always picked us last for movie blogger dodge-ball.

Shirtoid is hawking a new t-shirt that features both Oscar the Grouch and Doctor Who’s Tardis. I want.

Actress Lizzy Caplan believes that there’s hope for a Party Down movie. At this point I’d be over the moon if Starz would just call it back up for another season. But hey, go for the movie if you feel like you can do it. Man, I miss that show.

Movieline has cooked up a list of 10 movies that still capture the essence of summer as part of their summer movie preview. It’s a reminder that no matter how hard I try, there’s no way for me to go back to camp and relive my own version of Meatballs. Damn you, old age!

According to source within India, Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises may be shooting in Jodhpur, the second-largest city in the Indian state of Rajasthan. It’s the one with all the houses painted blue that was featured in Tarsem Singh’s The Fall. What does this tell us about TDKR‘s plot? Absolutely nothing. But blue houses are fun.

Jeremy Renner has The Avengers, he’s co-starring in Mission Impossible 4 and he’s about to take over the Bourne franchise. What more could a guy want? How about a role in Ice Age: Continental Drift alongside Jennifer Lopez, Wanda Sykes, Keke Palmer, Aziz Ansari, hip-hop star Drake and the franchise’s returning cast? Alright maybe not, but it’s happening.

Devin Faraci, who in full disclosure is an employee of the Alamo Drafthouse family of companies, has written an interesting piece about why the Alamo Drafthouse isn’t too worried about VOD. Unlike other distributors, studios, theaters and even major directors, the Alamo team welcomes the challenge. Why? Because the experience you get at a Drafthouse theater — the camaraderie, the fine ales and grease sweats — aren’t something easily achieved while ordering up Ong Bak 3 on your 21″ Sanyo television. It’s that simple.

Earlier today I praised South Park somewhat endlessly in my This Week in Blu-ray entry. Vulture has done me one better by outlining 5 things that South Park does better than anyone else, every single time.

And finally, here’s the video of the week (until tomorrow, when I will undoubtedly find something better) — George Romero, Danny Trejo, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Michael Rooker and Robert Englund star in a new expansion pack for Call of Duty entitled Call of the Dead. It’s got a bit of a grindhouse twinge to it, and in 1:53 it’s already twice the cinematic experience Machete was, even if it does reuse that “wrong Mexican” line.

Neil Miller is the Founder and Publisher of Film School Rejects. For almost a decade, he has been talking movies on television, the radio, and the Internet. As of yet, no one has stopped him.

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