What is Movie News After Dark? Someone said something nice about it the other day, so it’s feeling sort of full of itself. Luckily this means that there will be more news, more snark and even a few surprises in tonight’s entry! There really is nothing like a self-aware movie news column with a sense of purpose.

In addition to the surprisingly dark first trailer, Fox has released some HD concept art for the ineptly titled Rise of the Planet of the Apes. The art is also quite stunning, showing off some large scale scenes. Most interesting is the fact that it hints at a movie that focuses much of its time on the actual ape uprising, rather than the build-up. I’m ready to see humanity swallowed by simian rage. Aren’t you?

This incredible found clipping shows a news article from sometime in 1995, before Pixar went public. The article states that Pixar, which “helped Walt Disney make Toy Story,” was seeking $96 million in funding for films, home videos and CD-Roms. Their latest film, Toy Story 3,  grossed over a billion dollars world-wide. Boy, would I like to have gotten some of that IPO.

Stephen McFeely and Christopher Markus, the writing team behind Captain America: The First Avenger, have been talking about the sequel they already have in the works: “We’re very early, still. This is the fun part — when we can say, “Hey, we can do this!” and everyone says, “Yeah!” No one says anything negative at this point in the process. We have a million great ideas and haven’t thrown any of them out yet.” Let’s do it in space!

Speaking of sequels that are ahead of their time (and for that matter, reason), Dreamworks is already putting gears in motion on a second round of Real Steel, the robot boxing film from director Shawn Levy and star Hugh Jackman. My favorite part of this report is that the film is scoring “positive responses from internal screenings of the film.” Good, good. I’m glad the well-paid people of Dreamworks like the new Dreamworks movie.

A fan-made website called EntertheCabin.com has begun their own marketing campaign to get the MGM-produced, Joss Whedon directed horror flick Cabin in the Woods released. They have carefully condensed the communal frustration around this film’s delays in the following silly poster.

This in-depth interview with John M. Chu conducted by Box Office Magazine’s Todd Gilchrist is one of today’s must reads. Here’s a favorite excerpt, in which Chu talks about moving from dance (the Step-Up franchise) to action: “Does dance choreography experience actually translate to action? I don’t know the answer, to be honest. I’m not going to rely and say yes, [but] what I love as a parallel is that a dance number without a story is just a dance number—it means nothing to people. It’s the same thing with action—the best action sequences are the ones that move our character forward, or when you come out of it you learn something new.” Smart guy. Also, I’m not ashamed to say that Step Up 3D had some ridiculous visions. Off the proverbial hook, even.

One smokin’ hot lady and one small lady, Olga Kurylenko (Quantum of Solace) and Liana Liberato (Sons of Anarchy), respectively, have joined the action thriller The Expatriate. They will share the screen with Aaron Eckhart, who plays an ex-CIA agent who must take his fifteen-year old daughter (Liberato) on the run from some hired gunmen. Olga Kurylenko will likely play someone hot.

Love, Scotch and Death might be my new favorite in-development movie title. Especially now that The Beaver will be released. It also gets points for casting Michael C. Hall and Vera Farmiga in a film conceived by Dexter show creator James Manos Jr. That is full of win, as they say on the internet.

A new porn parody of pop culture you like, meant mostly to get you (the good, God-fearing non-masturbators of the internet) to lay down money for smut, has been released. And ho! It has a plot that almost resembles something you’d see on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Also, where they hell did they find a porn star that looks that much like Patrick Stewart?! Consider my “interest” “piqued.” Watch the completely SFW, all 2:26 of non-porn edition trailer below.

Hugh Laurie (House) has signed on to read “Great Expectations” to children on the war-torn Papua New Guinea island of Bougainville (I wonder if there will be a lupus epidemic). The project is called Mr. Pip and yes, I would watch two hours of Hugh Laurie reading, too. I agree, the man is just that interesting.

What would happen if garden gnomes rose up in grand, R-rated fashion to attack their shovel-wielding human overlords? We may soon find out in an adaptation of Chuck Sambuchino’s How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will). Sony has optioned the property and signed Robert Zemeckis to produce. As long as they stay away from that mo-cap nonsense and make it bloody, this should do fine.

In addition to about 40 other projects, Mark Wahlberg is now attached to a remake of the 1971 action film Billy Jack. That’s just plain stupid.

Following in the footsteps of Willem Dafoe, comedian Patton Oswalt has signed on to the Anton Yelchin led thriller Odd Thomas, based on a Dean Koontz novel. He will play an eccentric artist who designs a steel pendant that will be worn by the titular clairvoyant hero (Yelchin). Somehow this reminds me of “Physics for Poets,” but I’m not sure why.

Remember that Batman Live stage show we spoke about briefly the other day? It’s baaaccckkk…. And it’s worse than you could have possibly imagined when set in motion. Holy gaudy chestplates, Batman!


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