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Adam Sandler to Write and Star in ‘Candy Land,’ Everyone Should Just Give Up Now

Recently, it was reported that Universal Pictures ended their deal with Hasbro – meaning that movies adapted from Hasbro products that nobody wanted to see in the first place, like Ouija Board and Monopoly, now have very questionable futures. Or, at least, you would think that they would have very questionable futures. In actuality they all seem to be getting scooped up by other studios pretty quickly.

First, Relativity Media acquired the rights to Stretch Armstrong, and now, in news that surely must be ushering in the end of the world, Sony and Adam Sandler’s Happy Madison are teaming up to make Candy Land, which Sandler himself intends on both co-writing and starring in. Kevin Lima (Enchanted) is attached to direct the project, with Robert Smigel and Sandler in talks to pen the screenplay.

Why make a Candy Land movie? Columbia Pictures president Doug Belgrad says, “Candy Land is more than just a game. It is a brand that children, parents and grandparents know and love. The world of Candy Land offers an extraordinary canvas upon which to create a fantastical, live-action family adventure film with a larger than life part for Adam. We are thrilled to partner with Hasbro and Happy Madison on this project.”

The preceding quote is best experienced imagining it read in the voice of Satan while I put a pistol in my mouth. There are some bad ideas for movies floating around out there, and then there’s the star of Jack and Jill starring in a movie about a candy-themed board game. I think we’ve now reached the logical conclusion of our bankrupt culture. If there are any ways this one can be defended, I would love to hear them in the comments below. [THR]

Weaned on the genre films of the 80s. Reared by the independent movement of the 90s. Earned a BA for writing stuff in the 00s. Reviews current releases at templeofreviews.com

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