Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (Yes, This is Happening)

The mist rolls in obscuring the log cabin where Abe’s mother is preparing dinner. Little does she know that she is in fact on the menu. A shadow falls across the cabin door. She turns. There is no time to scream.

Alright, I just made that up. But if you like that you can buy “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” the  newest novelty novel from Seth Grahame-Smith. I have coined the new phrase novelty novel to describe a novel that has a gimmick that drives it such as taking a classic book or historical figure and adding something unexpected.

Author Grahame-Smith previously turned Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” into “Pride Prejudice and Zombies” soon to be a major motion picture or at least a motion picture. No real clue how major it will be. Natalie Portman is signed on to “Pride Prejudice and Zombies” with Lionsgate producing.

Old Abe was up for grabs so Tim Burton snapped up the Lincoln versus Vampires tale. He’ll be adapting it with the help of  Timur Bekmambetov.Without a doubt Burton is the man to take this on. He’s got the crazy, quirky vision to pull it off. And come on, who doesn’t want to see Johnny Depp as Old Abe? It’s true that Depp is a bit shorter than Lincoln, but that could be the other historical revelation! That Lincoln wore lifts in his shoes. That he was hardly taller than Mary Todd. Who knew?

Or will Burton go the animation route? Will he animate Lincoln? I hope not. I want to see Depp in the role. And hey he could reunite him with Winona Ryder as Mary Todd. Oh the possibilities!

But let’s face it. It’s time history was made accessible and relevant. Think how this will improve education. No child will be left behind because they’ll ace their history tests. When asked who Abraham Lincoln was they will shout in unison: “Vampire Hunter!”

Alright then. With Grahame-Smith making a career out of his novelty novels I’m wondering what’s up next?

Robin Ruinsky has been a writer since penning her autobiography in fourth grade. Along the way she's studied theater at Syracuse University, worked with Woody Allen starring most of the time on the cutting room floor. A segue into the punk rock scene followed but writing was always the main focus. She writes for various crafty, artsy magazines about people who make craftsy, artsy collectible things. But her first love is writing fiction and film criticism which some people think are the same thing.

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