Whether you’re trying to avoid the releases this week or augment them with even more movies, Your Alternate Box Office offers some options for movies that would play perfectly alongside of (or instead of) the stuff studios are shoving into the megaplex this weekend.

This week features a young girl who could kick your ass, an old boy who could buy and sell your whole family, a pair of pothead fantasy role players, and a young girl who couldn’t kick a shark’s ass.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1992)

Double Feature With: HANNA

The Pitch: Sure, watching a Bourne movie seems obvious here, but it’s far more interesting to pair one teenaged ass-kicker with another teenaged ass-kicker who lives firmly in the comedic world. One is taking down the shadowy secret government, the other is taking down the shadowy vampires that hang out around the sleepy hamlet of Sunnydale.

Please don’t hold me responsible if this launches you into a marathon of the Buffy television show and you get fired for missing work.

How to See It: Watch it right now

ARTHUR 2: ON THE ROCKS (1988)

Double Feature With: ARTHUR

The Pitch: Remakes are everywhere these days, like an open sore on the roof of Hollywood’s mouth that it can’t stop tonguing. But here amongst the rubble is 1) a good comedy and 2) the rare opportunity to watch a remake followed by a sequel that came two decades earlier. This will be the only time in history that this will ever, ever, ever be possible. It will also be the only time anyone will ever recommend watching Arthur 2: On the Rocks.

How to See It: Watch it right now

KRULL (1983)

Double Feature With: YOUR HIGHNESS

The Pitch: There’s an obvious reason to pair these movies, although the jury is still mixed on whether watching Your Highness is worth the trouble. To that end, I present the best solution possible, because watching Krull seems to be the only way that you can appreciate the throwback charm of Danny McBride constantly talking about minotaur penises.

How to See It: Watch it right now

BLUE CRUSH (2002)

Watch Instead of: SOUL SURFER

The Pitch: Although it was tempting to choose Armageddon again, and it was doubly tempting to simply suggest watching Hanna instead of this Hallmark movie that sneaked into theaters. However, there’s a movie out there that involves surfing, a girl being injured and having to regain the courage to hit the waves. That movie is Blue Crush, and even though it has the depth of a sophomore poem written for a creative writing class, it also features some sick surfing footage, a slew of swim suited bodies, and a far more nuanced spiritual message.

How to See It: Watch it right now

Come back next Friday for more alternative box office tips


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