So I saw Twilight last night. But don’t get your hopes up. I’m not reviewing it here. As a condition of being allowed into the screening, the press had to assure Summit Entertainment that we wouldn’t run reviews before Friday. So you’ll have to wait a few days for that.

Instead, I want to talk about Edward. Not the character from the book, necessarily, but the character in the film, played by Robert Pattinson (who also played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter films). (Incidentally, I only got about 70 pages into the book before getting distracted… the angst was a little much for me.)

There’s one scene in which Edward professes his love for Bella, but he swears they can’t be together. It’s too dangerous for her. “I’m a killer,” he confesses. And he further explains that to be with her would be a constant temptation to slaughter her and drink her blood.

But instead of turning tail and running, Bella tells him that she trusts him. Bella is okay with Edward being a killer, being a vampire and fighting back a craving to rip her throat open, and it seems that aside from his basic vampire charm, it’s because he is a good looking dude and has great hair.

What the Frédéric Fekkai?

I’m all for a good vampire story, but Edward’s hair is just out of control in this film. And that got me thinking about Dr. McDreamy from Grey’s Anatomy. If you watch that show enough, you’ll see the female doctors fawn over his hair more often than they actually save a patient’s life.

And another TV doctor – Dr. John Dorian (Zach Braff) from Scrubs – is famous for his flowing do.

We are getting over-moussed in Hollywood. Is that really what it takes to be a star these days? I know vampires are supposed to be quasi-metrosexual, but the amount of gels and creams used in the guys’ hair these days is getting to be a bit much.

I know the teenage girls and Twilight Moms are going to fawn over Edward in the film, all pale and slathered with hair product. But as a fat, middle-aged, bald guy, I have to wonder… is this what it takes to be sexy in today’s world?

It’s enough to make me want to root for James in the film because he uses no hair product and is just one trucker’s cap away from being your friendly, neighborhood redneck.

Sigh… at least me and Bruce Willis have something left in common.

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