turnedon-gaysex

In this week’s sex column, Bethany gives us five great cinematic reasons to love gay sex – just the way Leviticus never intended.

What’s turning me on this week?

Gay sex. I don’t want to get political here, but there’s just something about homosex that really turns me on. Maybe I’m a narcissist, but I find it undeniably hot to have sex with someone who has the same plumbing as me. It’s like getting a bird’s eye view of what it’s like to have sex with myself, only better, because I get to play with a new set of boobs, I didn’t buy my own drinks, and – if I’m particularly lucky – I don’t have to do all the work. This weekend was Pride Weekend (or, as my mother lovingly calls it, Gay Shame ’09), and by a balmy Saturday afternoon, my progressive-but-quaint neighborhood was transformed into an urban wasteland of near naked men, many modeling the finest in American bondage gear, and – for the ladies – unibrows and combat boots.

Waking up out of an ecstasy induced haze (I think that was ecstasy? Also, has anyone found my keys yet? No? Seriously?!), I quickly realized that one, I have no idea where I am (Looks like jail. Is this jail?), and two, it’s about time I show my own Gay Pride. So, here you go. Five great (or at least pretty decent) cinematic reasons to fly your rainbow flag:

5. Road trips! The crowning duo of drag road trip movies – Priscilla: Queen of the Desert and To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar – make it easy to channel your inner ABBA and rock-out-with-your-cock-tucked-back, all while wearing platform heels and killer lipstick. These sweet natured movies, uh, “came out” on the heels of the negative stigma of the AIDS crisis, and made it all the more OK to embrace gender-bending and have a little homo-lovin’ fun.

4. Sweet Transvestites. Let’s ride that gender bending wave all the way back to the 70s. (Yeah, I mixed that metaphor. Probably should have gone with the “Time Warp” bit.) You know exactly what I’m talking about – the cult movie of cult movies, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It’s no secret that I straight up love this movie. Tim Curry never looked better. Gold Speedos never looked better. Meat Loaf – well OK, he’s looked better. The Rocky Horror Picture Show is not really a “gay” movie, as I’m not sure that “gay” was its target audience. In fact, I’m pretty sure that “no one” was its original demographic. Featuring great songs, great laughs, and a fun cult-ure surrounding it, Rocky Horror is one of those perfect little films made for like fifteen dollars. Like women’s underwear? Like Susan Sarandon? Like song and dance? Like goth hunchbacks? Dammit Janet, you know I do.

3. Gay Indie Street Cred. You want it, I’ve got it. In a hilarious teen romp about those weird Scared Straight camps, But, I’m a Cheerleader! explores the American pandemic of the perky blond high school gal gone cheer queer. Featuring a bang up comic performance by an out-of-drag Ru Paul (spoiler alert: she’s way hotter as a chick) and a bevy of irreverent jokes and nubile lesbian lust, But, I’m a Cheerleader! is one of those fun-for-the-whole-homo-family movies you can watch with your depressingly un-self-aware gay cousin. Hint, hint.

2. Watching Brokeback Mountain makes you seem both masculine and sensitive. Let’s face it: Heath Ledger’s premature end is a sad day for man love everywhere. Also, Donnie Darko is pretty passé after the age of like, seventeen. In a literal bromance and all-around-great-love-story, Brokeback Mountain gives straight guys everywhere an excuse to secretly lust after that husky number at the end of the bar while looking compassionate and hip-to-the-issues to their lady. (…By the way? 6 to 5 and pickin’ that stout drink of water is FSR Editor Neil Miller.) Ang Lee expertly – a little too expertly, if you ask me – crafted a true masterpiece that answers the age old question: after the obvious male-on-male grunting and the happy realization that you’ll never have to choke down a wine cooler, ever again – what happens when you go gay for your cowboy bro? It’s OK, guys. Own it. I can’t quit you, either.

1. Ladies, Ladies, Ladies. It’s no secret that men love to watch women love on one another. In fact, making out with all those Tri Delts in college is part of the reason that Cole Abaius hired me here at FSR. It’s also most of the reason that my physics TA graded my tests on a steep curve. Sexploitation for my professional and academic gain aside, it’s an undeniable truism of contemporary cinema that lesbian love is often fetishized and portrayed for the enjoyment of straight, white, and otherwise homophobic males the world over.

In some ways, this highly offends my feminist sensibilities. (I mean, hellooo. Don’t you ladies wanna lez out for a straight white female every once in awhile?! Wait, that’s not a good argument, is it?) Alternatively, however, shows like The L Word and Naked Horny Lesbo Sluts 3: The Quickening can raise pertinent questions and explore the complex identities and relationships of the highly misrepresented and largely underdeveloped female side of the gay world, and of the world at-large.

I know, I know. Enough gassing. I can detail my viewpoints about the feminist pros and dehumanizing cons of lipstick lesbianism, as well as erotically describe my bumbling lesbian encounters (ah, college.) another day. (You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Mmm, tell me how you like it.) But for now, you want a list of hot lady love scenes. Well boys, here you go. Have a good week:

  • Basic Instinct
  • Cruel Intentions
  • Gia
  • Girl (Tara Reid!)
  • Higher Learning (Kristy Swanson!!)
  • A Girl Thing
  • Kiss the Girls (Wait, no. That can’t be right.)
  • Naked Horny Lesbo Sluts 3: The Quickening

How gay are you?

Need sex advice? Feel free to send your questions to Bethany@filmschoolrejects.com. They might just embarrassingly be featured on the site!


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