Here is another week of glorious movie posters. This week though, you will be hearing a lot of “Neil is at Sundance,” so I’ll be pinch hitting for our all star out in Utah. What do I know about movie posters? Well, enough to say which ones should be on my wall or not. As many of you know, I have spent a small fortune on DVD’s…but what you don’t know is that the other part of my fortune has been spent on booze. What you may not also know is that while intoxicated, I tend to buy a lot of movie posters. So you see, I am a very credible source on what posters are awesome and which ones aren’t. So sit back, grab a drink with me and let’s look at some damn posters.
Now, on to this week’s selection.
Wall Street – Money, Hair Gel Never Sleeps
What is it saying about the film? This is a sequel that needed to happen. No, I’m not saying that…the poster is though. The poster is pleading with you, much like Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg, “Please accept Shia! He’s a good kid and will grow up to be great.” Look at Charlie Sheen. Oliver Stone sharpened that diamond…but now Sheen is more like a pokemon card – useless and only still awesome with the most die-hard fans. Stone is a great director though, so let’s wait until the full trailer to throw some rocks.
Hot Tub Time Machine – Clark Duke is Immortal?
What is it saying about the film? I don’t get John Cusack lately, and by lately I mean this past decade. He just has gone extremely downhill since High Fidelity. So can he mix things up with this funny bunch and a tub full of 80s jokes? Probably not. I’m just not sold on the movie, and the poster doesn’t help.
The Last Airbender – The Twist is The Main Character is a Siamese Twin
What is it saying about the film? I have been known to display some displeasure for M. Night Shyamalan before. I have no interest in seeing this one. Not even like some morbid curiosity that you could liken to the same spectacle of witnessing a live train wreck. Continuing his trend, The Happening scores a 5.2 with movie fans. I call this right now, 4.6 for The Last Airbender. I have to agree with some people out there, this poster has a horrible design, it just looks like an elemental Siamese twin warrior. Wasn’t there a Shaw Brother’s movie like that?
From Paris With Love – Bazooka, Bald, Besson
What is it saying about the film? It is trying to say that if you liked Taken last year, same director…awesome new movie! Thing is though, if you watch the trailer and can shrug off the baldness, this movie still looks terrible. We were making fun of this one a while ago. The new ad campaigns make this one look pretty good, but check out that old link with an old trailer. You have been warned.
Blue Valentine – Pretty in Pink
What is it saying about the film? Well it is making me think that I might be color blind. Bad joke, but I understand the whole Blue Valentine irony. This one is getting some attention at Sundance, Neil? Bueller? I have to admit, this wasn’t on my radar, but it is now. Gosling and Michelle Williams are great at what they do, and I’m sure that you can expect greatness from this one.
Waiting For Superman – Public Schools Need Tights?
What is it saying about the film? This is another one of those movies to remind us that America is becoming an epic failure. So with this bleak outlook for the future of our public schools, where is the hope? Obviously it is in the children. All I can hope, just as the poster depicts, that there is a ray of hope in this film. Otherwise, my already horrible view of humanity might be pushed over the edge. After that, I will end my existence with a M. Night Shyamalan movie marathon.
High School – I Don’t Need to Spell This Out
What is it saying about the film? This one looks like a bad stoner flick at first glance. With a second glance, you can tell that the film features a pretty great cast including an Oscar winner in Adrien Brody. I don’t want to lose too many brain cells on this one, it is a fairly simple poster. I read the synopsis and it sounds like it could be a pretty good flick.
Animal Kingdom – Taking a Bite Out of Crime
What is it saying about the film? I love muted colors in movie posters. I also love dark dramas. This one reminds me of Brick right out of the gates. Animal Kingdom is another one getting a lot of attention at Sundance. Aussie film is doing something great lately, and this one is just another example of that trend. This one is on my list of must see’s.