We realize that you’re probably sitting at home right now, chewing your own nails off and wondering what movies are coming out this month. Maybe you’re even wondering why no one on the entire internet has said anything about them. Strange, we know.
How will you know what to watch this month?
Fortunately, Rob Hunter and Cole Abaius spent the entire month of March, taking naps, playing tether-ball, and researching movies at the last minute to keep you informed about what’s coming out in April.
You watch movies, so this guide’s for you.
Who did it? Directed by Duncan Jones; Written by Ben Ripley; Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Michelle Monaghan, Vera Farmiga, and Jeffrey Wright
What is it? Groundhog Day with more terrorists and fewer laughs
Why should we care? Jones’s first film was the excellent, low-key Moon, and everyone is looking to his follow-up to see if he can avoid the so-called sophomore slump. He’s staying in the same genre of science fiction, but whereas Moon is a quiet one-man show, this is a bigger, action-filled film with one man and two lovely ladies. The story sees a US soldier trying to stop an impending terrorist attack by “jumping” into the body of someone who died in an attack that’s already happened…the hope being he can identify the terrorist, return to the present, and stop the upcoming bombing. But what if he can stop the attack that already occurred? -RH
Who did it? Written and Directed by James Gunn; Starring Rainn Wilson, Ellen Page, Liv Tyler, and Kevin Bacon
What is it? A guy gets fed up and tells crime to be quiet in the least polite way possible
Why should we care? James Gunn has slithered out of the Troma model and written some mainstream stuff, but he’s never been given the change to make a truly Gunn-ian movie (it’s a thing). Here’s that chance. It’s pure, unfiltered dark comedy that looks a little messy and brilliant all at the same time. It also promises an obsessively horny Ellen Page, a crazed Kevin Bacon, and a lot of violence. So, as you can tell, it’s perfect for that Spring brunch you’ve been planning with Nana. -CA
Who did it? Directed by James Wan; Written by Leigh Whannell; Starring Rose Byrne, Patrick Wilson, and Darth Maul
What is it? Poltergeist with the volume turned all the way to eleven
Why should we care? Wan and Whannell made a big splash with Saw, but their follow-ups (Dead Silence and Death Sentence) have been fairly mediocre affairs. This creepy, jump-filled flick should change that pattern with its story of a young family being harassed by paranormal events. The catch here is that the problem isn’t a haunted house. It’s a haunted son. You could say his nocturnal emissions are keeping them up at night. You probably shouldn’t say that, but you could. The movie is a blood-free, PG-13 rated affair, and while I have issues with the third act and the use of volume and musical score to artificially scare audiences (as with Sam Raimi’s Drag Me To Hell), the movie still has enough truly frightening visuals and scenes to warrant a trip to the theater. -RH
Who did it? Directed by Tim Hill; Written by Brian Lynch; Starring James Marsden, Kaley Cuoco and the vocal talents of Russell Brand and Hugh Laurie
What is it? An animated rabbit makes troubles for a live-action man, and it’s not Roger Rabbit
Why should we care? It’s about time that Easter got its due. The Easter Bunny is no Santa Claus, mostly because he’s actually small enough to fit into a chimney without the use of magic. This looks like a completely harmless children’s flick with the rock and roll sensibilities (performed at a safe, low volume) shoved into the Easter Bunny to make him hip. Will it work? Who knows. Even if it does, the Easter Bunny still won’t be nearly as cool as Hanukkah Harry. -CA
Who did it? Directed and Written by Quentin Dupieux; Starring Stephen Spinella, Wings Hauser, Robert, and you, the viewer
What is it? The most absurdly entertaining film of the year. (And my personal favorite of all the movies I saw in 2010.)
Why should we care? As much as I love this movie, and I do so with the heat of a thousand horny Chihuahuas, I would not fault anyone for disliking it. The story of a telepathic, serial killing tire named Robert is clearly not for everyone. I get that. But if you have an open mind and an appreciation for absurd yet incredibly smart commentary on films and audiences alike, then I highly recommend you give this oddball movie a chance. If there’s a chance you’ll see this then don’t even watch the trailer…just know that it’s funny, self-aware, filled with exploding heads, and features an extremely catchy electronic score. -RH
Even more April goodness awaits you…