The First (and Probably Only) Annual Junkfood Cinema Awards

Most Absurd Compliment Paid to a Film: The Awesome Toy Store in Silent Night, Deadly Night

I realize I can get bit esoteric with my compliments, and by that I mean I sometimes rant incoherent like a nine-year-old in the midst of a sugar rush, but there is no denying the greatness of the toy store in Silent Night, Deadly Night. Tron kites, Star Wars playsets and a Krull board game? Why don’t I live in this movie?! Oh right, killer Santa. [Read the Full Article Here]

Worst Use of Football Skills in a Fight Sequence: Flash Gordon

You know how Tom Brady wins a lot of fights? Nope. That’s because being able to squat behind another dude and chuck a ovular wad of pig carcass does not equate to proficiency in combat. Flash takes it a step further by managing to look as bad at football as he does at winning brawls. [Read the Full Article Here]

Musclehead of the Year: Sylvester Schwarzenegger

Yes, in the great race to decide which roided-up, dull-witted, indecipherable jock action star reigned supreme in 2010, we have a tie. Junkfood Cinema covered 3 Sylvester Stallone films and 3 Arnold Schwarzenegger films. In honor of this “achievement” this two-headed amalgamation of beefiness will be the first inductee into the official (if nonexistent) Junkfood Cinema Hall of Fame. [Read Demolition Man and The Running Man]

Most Hilarious Misrepresentation of Mt. Olympus: Hercules in New York

This too was a close race, but in the end it was Hercules in New York that was found to be…the only film in the running. Observe the botanical gardens of Newark State Park ineffectively “transformed” into Mt. Olympus. The only larger logical gap in the film is the one between young Schwarzenegger’s front teeth. [Read the Full Article Here]

Best Guest-Written Junkfood Cinema: Mrs. Junkfood’s Cutthroat Island

In September, during my spiritual journey to the four corners of several Double Dave’s pizza boxes, a slew of guest writers filled in for me. As great as they all were, I pity those that followed my brilliant wife Toni’s hysterical evisceration of Renny Harlin’s titanic pirate flop. I don’t mean to devalue the efforts of Neil Miller, Adam Charles, Jeremy Kirk, Landon Palmer, or even Rob Hunter (earlier that year), but Toni knocked it out of the park in a mocking that still makes me cackle like a demented old witch. Honorable mention to Kevin Kelly who not only filled in for me at the very last minute but, without a word from me, chose the exact movie I had planned to do. [Read the Full Article Here]

Need more nostalgia? Check out the rest of our 2010 Year in Review

Brian Salisbury has been a film critic and internet gadfly for six years. He is the co-host of FSR's Junkfood Cinema podcast and the co-founder of OneOfUs.Net. Brian is a cult film and exploitation buff who loves everything from Charlie Chaplin to Charlie Bronson.

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