7. Death By Carrot in Shoot ‘Em Up

“Eat your vegetables.”

Does it count if the carrot is used to trigger a gun? If yes, then four carrot kills in this film. If no, then two carrot kills in this film.

Huh.

The fact that this is a question that needs to be asked is kind of… uh…

Huh. You know… I think this film just might be amazing.

6. Death By Icicle in Die Hard 2

Talk about a cold stare! BAM!

Sorry. Watching the scene, all that really comes to mind are ice puns. It’s like suddenly I’m Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin.

Killing someone with an icicle actually seems hard – it’s so slippery and cold, I don’t know who gets the raw end of that deal. At least there’s no evidence afterward. And it’s not like the guy didn’t deserve a stab to the eye. Still, that wound must have hurt… but at least he got ice on it right away.

Sorry.

5. Death By Sheet Of Glass in The Omen

To be killed by a Rube Goldberg contraption designed by the devil himself is weird enough, but the fact that it was decapitation by pane of glass just spills this over into downright silly. It’s a clown death, proof that Satan is probably way fun at parties.

You have to imagine the weird afterlife that guy had, awkwardly telling his loved ones what happened… having to hear the same retort, “Well why didn’t you just duck?”

I love the way the devil works in these films. He’s so passive aggressive, giving only the tiniest of pushes in his actions. It’s like how I imagine my mother would try and kill me.

4. Death By Coin in X-Men: First Class

You know – I really have to side with Magneto on this one. Sure, in the broad sense Xavier is right that killing is bad and all that… but trying to stop your friend from taking out the Nazi war criminal who killed his goddamn mother is just plain Looney Tunes. Even if you take away the whole Nazi mom-killer thing, what exactly was Charles planning on doing with the guy who can explode people by touch if he wasn’t planning to kill him?

It seems like a stupid move is all I’m saying. Then to tell Magneto that the army guys shooting at them are just “following orders,” knowing his background, is flat out asking for him to lose his shit. Come on, X – I know he’s wearing that helmet but there has to be a setting up there between mind reading and completely dense.

3. Death By Towel in The Bourne Ultimatum

You have to wonder what was going through that guy’s head as this pretty-boy amnesiac was choking him to death with a dirty bathroom towel in some damp Moroccan apartment. My guess is that he was thinking about all the vast weapons handling and self-defense training he was given over the years, and the fact that none of that held up against a wash cloth.

Did he also punch him through a book? Come on Bourne! These guys went through the same training as you and you can’t give them a little bit of dignity?

2. Death By Bowling Pin in There Will Be Blood

We all saw this one coming. Despite being so club-like, there’s just something innocent about a bowling pin. It symbolizes adolescence… that romantic time when sex and movies weren’t spoiled by overexposure and unwanted groping. A bowling alley is the only place where it’s wholesome to be drunk.

Then Danny has to go and bludgeon a priest to death with a bowling pin in one, which is, in my opinion, worse than if it were an actual church. Don’t get me wrong – it was amazing, but now I can’t go bowling anymore without being afraid of people with mustaches.

1. Death By Corn On The Cob in Sleepwalkers

Wow, and I thought the “Eat your vegetables” line from before was going to be the low point. This is… just an amazing way to kill someone. It’s corn on the cob! The only food that specifies its location in the name! It’s literally the most wholesome thing in the world! Who doesn’t like corn on the cob on a cool summer night, perhaps while outside on the grill. Light up some sparklers and grab a beer. America, man! America!

And this chick just stabbed a dude with one.

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