Sinister

This article is presented in partnership with SINISTER, in theaters October 5. Don’t forget that you can see Sinister first with Tugg.com and Film School Rejects in Washington, DC (and many other cities) by visiting SeeSinisterFirst.com.

Even though movies often get a bad rap for glorifying sex and violence, there’s a lot of lessons that can be learned from various films. Horror films, in particular, have taught people a variety of helpful things. For example, we all know to never split up when being chased by a maniac. We know to never drop your weapon next to a killer’s “obviously” dead body. And we also know not to go out a-sexing and a-drinking in the woods without at least keeping one eye open for a deranged psychopath with a questionable past.

Movies have also taught us to ask what might be considered bizarre questions when deciding on a new place to live. Has anyone been killed with a nail gun in the living room? Does there happen to be a gateway to hell in the basement? How many former tenants have gone completely bat-shit crazy and murdered their entire families? (Note: if the answer is more than zero, you might want to reconsider renting or purchasing this home.)

These real estate listings below might seem to be a good deal, but read between the lines and discover the wicked deal you’re getting on the purchase price might not be a good deal at all.

A SECLUDED LONG ISLAND DREAM HOME!
Listing #07271979

This stately home in the wooded area of Long Island was once the home of local celebrities George and Kathy Lutz, built upon property owned by the Ketchum pioneer family. The Dutch Colonial Revival architecture overlooks a private dock on the lake, with a private boathouse. Featuring three roomy levels with hardwood floors and most of the original windows in place. Tucked beneath the home is a historic cellar with a special connection to the people of the land. (Please, no Catholics.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture The Amityville Horror.

Price reduced!: $35,000

A BEAUTIFUL SUBURBAN LIVING SPACE!
Listing #07212006

This home has such personality, it seems to have a mind of its own. Built by the Nebbercracker family, who had a rich history in the circus, this was their home until the 21st century. Located on a beautiful street in a safe neighborhood with great schools, this wonderful community offers plenty of neighborly support. There is minor explosive damage to the foundation, but repairs have been completed, and the house seems to have miraculously healed itself. (Note: the remaining structures above the foundation may not be complete or present at all.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture Monster House.

Price reduced!: $18,000

A GORGEOUS CASTLE ON A HILL
Listing #09181963

Hill House has a rich history in both literature and cinema. The subject of a best-selling book and two feature films, it is one of the more famous homes in the area. Built with non-traditional architecture, this location was the subject of study in the 1960s by Dr. John Markway. Featuring self-propelled doors and limited natural air conditioning, Hill House is idea for the discerning owner. (Note: not recommended for owners and tenants with a history of mental illness.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture The Haunting.

Price reduced!: $50,000

YOU WILL THINK YOU LIVE IN A CASTLE!
Listing #05261995

The legendary Whipstaff Manor features a unique architectural spin on classic design. The great stone towers look upon your neighbors at a distance, and the location is a favorite among children around Halloween. The manor has a long history and a great family tradition, so much that it’s as if you can still hear a young child and his spirited uncles. All of this and much more for the right buyer. (Friendly children welcomed and encouraged.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture Casper.

Price reduced!: $25,000

A TREASURE WITHIN A TREASURE!
Listing #07011960

This spacious mansion was once owned by the famous professor, Dr. Plato Zorba, and his influence on the home is so strong it’s as if he never left. Local legend states there is a hidden treasure on the grounds, which will become property of the new owner. Additional bonus for the purchase is a full-time housekeeper. Featuring a rich history of everything from Italian cuisine to lion taming, this home is an adventure in itself. (Note: the home comes with special Illusion-O glasses that can be used to block the site of any undesirable features of the home.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture 13 Ghosts.

Price reduced!: $63,000 (price includes hidden treasure)

BEAUTIFUL MULTI-STORY HOME WITH SAFETY FENCE
Listing #01011986

Used as an inspiration for the novels of author Roger Cobb, this impressive home was in his family for years. Featuring hardwood floors and solid construction, the home is perfect for someone with an active imagination. A garden and pool is available in the back, though not recommended for children. Secret passages in the home lead to various locations, including the lush green landscape of Southeast Asia. (Note: digging and excavating in the yard is not recommended.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture House.

Price reduced!: Best offer

NEW BUILD ON PREVIOUSLY UNUSED LAND!
Listing #06041982

The new planned community of Cuesta Verde in California is ideal for a family with several children. Built upon land previously undeveloped for living space, this community features rolling hills, smooth streets and beautiful landscapes. The location of Cuesta Verde allows for excellent reception of radio and television signals, often resulting in access to channels not normally found on the local dial. (Note: some locations feature gaping craters where homes once were; please check for availability with your local realtor.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture Poltergeist

Price reduced!: $22,000 (crater land); $35,000 (existing homes)

PICTURESQUE JAPANESE HOME IN SECLUDED LOCATION
Listing #07301977

Have you ever wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city? This is the perfect location for you. Located far from the major cities of Japan, this beautifully designed home features lush vegetation all around it. The home comes furnished with unique artwork and furniture, including an autopiano and an antique grandfather clock. Pets, in particular cats, not allowed. Unmarried women are respectfully urged to not apply. (Note: food brought into the premises may be prone to attack people.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture Hausu

Price reduced!: 1 million yen

A MODERN UPDATE TO A CLASSIC STYLE
Listing #03301988

Originally a classic New England home, this location was giving a facelift by the niche modern artist Delia Deetz. It features extended porch-balcony-windows as well as new latticework along the front. Unique sculptures are included in the sale, along with modern interior design by the trend-setter Otho, who was the first to use viridian as a color scheme. Perfect for Harry Belafonte fans as a hidden sound system often plays calypso music at random times. (Note: owners might encounter the work of a bioexorcist.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture Beetlejuice.

Price reduced!: $95,000

ENTIRE BLOCK AVAILABLE!
Listing #11091984

The houses on Elm Street are some of the beautifully designed homes in this picturesque Ohio suburb. A thriving community of families, Elm Street has a long history of family loyalty. The neighborhood is the strength here, and they will band together to help one another in times of crisis. Located in the Springwood school district, the Elm Street community has been home to many families over the years. (Note: not appropriate for insomniacs or for parents of children in high school.)

Fascinating movie history: Featured in the motion picture A Nightmare on Elm Street.

Price reduced!: $4,000

Sinister


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