5. Having An Identical Twin Fill In For You in Beerfest

LandfillBeerfest

Depending on who you ask, Beerfest was either one of many reasons to love Broken Lizard, or one descending step of many into oblivion. Personally I’m the former in that I’ve loved every single thing these guys have done, including the ill-received Slammin’ Salmon. But at least I know the reason why; it fills a gap that Monty Python and The Kids In The Hall once filled: comedy troupe films. It’s a dying genre and desperately needs to return, but of course that would also require sketch comedy to return as well.

There’s an overt silliness to this humor, seen best at the character Landfill’s “resurrection” in the form of a sudden identical twin who happily takes over the late character’s life, down to his name and his hot wife. As he steps in place he is met with satisfied exclaims of “perfect!” as the plot barrels along unchanged. It’s wonderful.

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4. Having Your Heart Replaced By A Battery in Crank 2

Crank2Heart

The Crank films are going to be praised by film historians one day. Just like how The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari is seen as an expression of the dawning insanity for its time, Crank and its sequel will be looked upon as that dark herald of things to come – praised in hindsight for its bold expressionism and relentlessly raw performances of anger and psychological turmoil. The part where he puts that shotgun up the guy’s butt is pretty neat as well. And let’s not forget about when they both turn into giant monsters for no good reason.

But seriously, those two aforementioned moments – plus the ridiculous amount of semi-forced public sex scenes – shows a tremendous amount of trust surrounding these films. For all its silliness, you have to admit that it takes a certain kind of director to convince someone to sport a hospital gown and visible erection on film.

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3. Mysterious Avian Resurrection in The Crow

TheCrowbird

I find it weird that not one, but two actors have died in relation to wearing clown makeup. What’s weirder is that in both instances the role was seen as a rather iconic one.

The Crow was one of those films that can be appreciated if you ignore the seriously annoying follow up of goth kids inspired by it. The gothic style is one that triumphs on film specifically because there’s time between shots to make everyone look cool, something that goes missing the moment you encounter an overweight “vampire” taking a leak in a jet black urinal while “Love Will Tear Us Apart” seeps through the tile club walls.

Anyway. He comes back from the dead because a bird… wants him to. It’s not very well explained, and frankly had the bird not been a crow we’d be looking at a whole different kind of silly here. Can you imagine a guy dressed all in white pouncing from rooftops to steal families’ French fries at the beach? There’s just something slightly less effective in that image.

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2. Resurrection By Time Travel in Back To The Future

DocBrownLetter

No one usually thinks of Doc Brown as having resurrected from the dead, but that’s exactly what happens to him in the first film. He dies from multiple gunshot wounds, then his weird little friend goes back in time, tells him about it, and is able to prevent the death from happening – thus bringing a dead man back to life by having him never die in the first place. It’s kind of ridiculous in that it’s elaborate as hell, but it’s a good thing he did – otherwise Doc wouldn’t have been around to continuously fuck with spacetime while talking about how time travel is such a bad idea. Did anyone stop to think that the universe where he gets committed might not be such a bad one?

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1. Just Choosing To For The Hell Of It in What Dreams May Come

WhatDreams

You know what? This isn’t even silly; it’s plain idiotic.

The ENTIRE damn film is Robin Williams fucking off to Heaven and being toured around by his secret kids (while for some reason never wondering where his dead kids are) while his wife goes suicidal on Earth because everyone else is having a blast in the afterlife without her. So, quite understandably, she makes herself die and suddenly it’s all hell from there because apparently in this world you can be Robin Williams and not go to hell but the moment you kill yourself it’s a big problem. Whatever, fine.

Now Robin Williams has to literally go to hell and back to get his wife, nearly succumbing to the depths himself only to make it out by a nose hair. Once out, in the nirvana and with his wife and kids, they look at each other and go: “Hey, you know we should do? Reincarnate! Sure, there’s no guarantee that we’ll meet again but whatever.” AND THAT’S WHAT THEY DO! For shit’s sake, one of you went to hell last time! Do you really want to risk that again?

This is like if Frodo and Sam got back to the Shire in the third film and said, “You know what? I know it almost killed us, but let’s forge another one of those rings!” That’s how stupid that is. I hope they reincarnate, accidently kill a bus of orphans, and go right to hell next time around. That would be absolutely worth killing orphans for.


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