2. Everyone Goes Nuts – In The Mouth Of Madness

First off, every movie should end with a shot of Sam Neill watching the entire movie over again while eating popcorn and laughing like a crazy. I don’t care if he was in the film or not, it’s just a way better way to end any film.

It is a tad tricky to pin down just what in the hell goes down in this film, which follows Sam Neill investigating the disappearance of a popular horror novelist by the name of Sutter Cane as well as attempting to retrieve the manuscript for Cane’s final novel. The result is just… just loony toons as Neill’s character faces off with all the type of crazy shenanigans one might expect from a film directed by John Carpenter.

When it is all said and done it becomes very clear that Cane’s book should never see the light of day, as it appears to be the source of great misfortune. By great misfortune I mean a hellish metaworld where insane monsters rip people apart. In the end there is no telling what is reality and what is fantasy – as the book ends up not only being published, but contains the exact same plotline as the film we just watched. The result is the world being overrun with mutant creatures and mass suicide and murder.

So, in terms of the world, not good. First you’d be hearing about this new book everyone loves, then it would become a movie with Sam Neill in it… then you’d start getting a little sick of hearing about it, then everyone would die. Basically, Jurassic Park if it made everyone go crazy and turn into monsters and stuff.

1. Freaking Dragons! – Reign Of Fire

Seriously, dragons? Can you imagine how the media would deal with that one? First off all, we’re not talking about dinosaurs here; dragons don’t exist. They just don’t. And it’s not like the Loch Ness Monster where dragons can even be debated or seen as a hoax or a myth. They’ve pretty much been fictional creatures from the start – so you can probably imagine how odd things would get if they just started showing up, right? Like – what are the odds? It would like Santa showing up, and not just any Santa – jolly fat, magic flying Santa.

That’s the thing – the dragons show up in this film and they are exactly what folklore described them as… like there was no mistranslation over the years. Just big ol’ dragons, flying around like assholes blowing fire at us. What a stupid problem to suddenly have.

And then there would be years of hearing about the war on dragons on the news – the whole world would suddenly shut down until they figured out this whole dragon problem. Forget T.V. and movies – forget international wars or elections – it would just be years of, ‘How the hell do we take care of these freaking dragons? They’re burning everything!’

People would be walking down what’s left of the streets in a daze, wondering just how in only a few years time they went from working at a law firm to ducking giant dragons every 30 seconds. It’s an awkward transition is my point here. And in the end we will have lost – the whole time hoping to God that a bunch of ogres don’t also show up and start wrecking the place.

What’s your favorite way the world ends?

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