4. Earth Is Eaten – Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer

Being food is probably one of the less appealing on this list – but at the same time, at least it serves a purpose. It’s like getting chased by a bear in the woods – worst-case scenario you get to feed a hungry bear. People die much more meaningless deaths than making a bear happy for a day, right? So in the case of Earth being gobbled up by this Galactus fellow, it’s nice to at the very least go out with some kind of function. We can only hope that we made a good meal in the process – the planet certainly looks tasty compared to the crap around us. We’re probably delicious. We’re moist and plenty meaty – but also probably good for you with all those minerals and plant life.

How could you really blame anyone for wanting a bite? I can see maybe the inside of the planet being a little bland, like a muffin or something, but of course you could just eat the skin and move on.

It’s interesting that after this film they never made any more Fantastic Fours – maybe because a giant cloud just ate like 20% of the planet and then exploded like a few miles away – that can’t be good for the climate. Chances are everyone died like a few years after this movie ended.

3. God Is Proven Fallible – Dogma

Leave it to Catholic doctrine to blink everyone out of existence. The idea for this is pretty neat – two angels condemned to spend eternity on Earth have found a loophole that will cleanse them of all sins and allow them to ascend back to Heaven, all they have to do is walk through an archway and die. Sounds easy enough. However by doing this they will have proven God’s fallibility in that they have successfully defied his powers – and by doing this they will effectively undo all that he has done, aka the universe.

It’s kind of like in Minority Report where if they prove one case in which pre-crime is wrong then they prove that every case could be wrong – thus shutting it all down. Only instead of Max von Sydow, it’s God, who probably looks a lot like Max von Sydow.

This would sure suck because there would be no warning, no pain, and nothing afterward. It seems like the no pain thing would be good until you keep in mind that all you’d be left with was nothingness. Pure nothingness – no awareness, no sense of time, and the tedium would be so infinite that you couldn’t even call it tedium. It would be like playing poker online.


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