6. Super Smart Monkeys – Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

To me the assumption of the original Planet Of The Apes film was that the moment when almost all of mankind was wiped out and the moment that apes became really smart and took over were two different moments. Like… we blew it up like the maniacs that we are, and then like 100 years later apes started talking, then like 100 more years later we found ourselves chained up in cages. The idea that the two events weren’t related is pretty awkward – but as the new film has shown us, it’s way more awkward the other way around.

In like, a single day apes become super smart and mankind begins to dwindle in numbers… really – like one day it all starts! Imagine the newscaster explaining that!

What makes it all even more irritating is that for the rest of the world it isn’t something that can been seen coming – it’s just one lab in San Francisco that nobody knows about that suddenly dooms us all in the primate slavery. Hell – it’s not even the lab; it all really comes down to one dude, James Franco’s dumbass character, who single-handedly created and super smart ape uprising crossed with a deadly virus. Thanks, asshole! With any luck the last breaths of civilization were spent kicking the crap out of that guy.

5. Everyone Is Pecked To Death – The Birds

I really wanted to go with Birdemic just to piss everyone off – but I just couldn’t bring myself to actually do it. The movie never really says for certain that we’re witnessing a bird apocalypse, but it never says otherwise either. The concept seems like it would be only a matter of time; those little buggers are great in numbers up there in the sky, and who knows what they might be plotting. It only makes sense that one day they would swoop down upon us and take over – after all, they can fly and we can’t – that’s a pretty excellent advantage they have.

What’s great about this film is that out of all of Alfred Hitchcock’s more notable work, this is the only one that’s really out there in concept. Like – films like Psycho and Rope and Lifeboat all deal with the horrors made possible by mankind – murder and lying and insanity. This is the only film where Hitchcock decided to go another route and show us the unspeakable terror that could come from birds (of all animals). It’s a bit random when you think about it.


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